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 The
InSite: How would you describe your life thus far?
Lyndsey: You mean, all of my life in general?
Like...to summarize it? I'd have to say...more difficult and
complicated than most 14 year olds. I've had a lot of weight
on my shoulders my whole life.
TI: Weight from what?
Lyndsey: 1) My dad's drug & alcohol abuse...
throughout my whole life. 2) Me having to take the place of
my mom (for my little sister) because my mom would work and
my dad would be serving to his addictions. 3) Being
depressed & feeling bad about myself. I also went
through puberty and it was really hard for me, I don't truly
know why, but it was very hard to grow up for me. Also, this
is sort of personal, but I have a drug problem myself. It's
been hell dealing with it.
TI: That's a lot for anyone to deal with! How have you
dealt with these problems?
Lyndsey: I have to look up to. I listen to Tupac
Shakur's and Jimi Hendrix's words (in their music) and it
helps me deal. I definitely look up to those two. They
helped me through so much.
I
listen to Tupac Shakur's and Jimi Hendrix's words (in
their music)...
TI: Why do Tupac and Jimi Hendrix appeal to you? Why
do you like their music?
Lyndsey: I like them because they're original
(unlike Puff Daddy & Biggie Smalls-just for comparison).
Because They're not people-pleasers, they do their music for
themselves. Not living to please anyone - just like me
:-)
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Tupac
by Lyndsey K.
Today, I am much stronger,
I don't
know what happened, but I grew.
Listening to Tupac. It made me strong.
Being devoted, listening to the
lyrics of his song. He made me grow
up. We had quite same lives.
He went through
so much, in such little
time. He had such a "tough"
attitude. He inspired me not to be that
shy-small-town-girl anymore. He
taught me how to take his attitude and
individualize it to me. I became
him, he became me.
Tupac, you helped me through so much --
yet we didn't even touch. You
kept me alive when I wanted to die.
Your words so strong they sometimes
made me cry.
Your sayings are my bible. Keep your
head up, well that kept me from
dying...that made me who I am today--
living for me,
not to please every playa-hata around.
You changed me 'Pac, from being that
plain white-girl from Maine --The girl
that blended in, living to please
everyone else, to the woman who
doesn't care what anyone else thinks.
Tupac, you are my god. I know you
lived for yourself, your mother &
trying to change the gangster ways.
Trying to wake up those folks who are
in it for the money -- or who knows?
I never had the chance to meet you Pac,
but if I did I wouldn't bow to your
feet--you taught me not to -- I would
look at you and say, "Pac, you taught me well...
you are my role model..."
Don't even deny, you're
a very inspirational guy. Pac, your
voice so strong...It makes me cry.
But, we both knew you were gonna die.
"May you rest in peace..." Then I
would kiss you on the forehead and give
you a hug good-bye.
This may not impact you Pac, coming
from a middle-class-white girl from
Maine, but I just want you to know
you're an inspiration, and I simply
adore you.
Why did you have to die?
In memory of Tupac Amaru Shakur, 1971-1996
"Live by the gun -- die by the gun."
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TI: When did you begin writing poetry?
Lyndsey: Back when I was suicidal... basically to
let my feelings out because I didn't have anyone else to
talk to. I'd say, back in 5th grade. Now my feelings on life
are... it's hard, keep your head up and a bright day will be
in the future. Basically - I love life. When I think my life
is bad... I think, "I wonder how many people (like the kids
dying from Cancer & AIDS) would love to have my life"
and that makes me think how good it is.
TI: What is the message you're trying to send through
your poetry?
Lyndsey: Nothing really. I like to put poetry up
on the net so other teens can read it and relate.
To know they're not alone. And most important - to
make them feel better.
TI: What do you think teens could gain from hearing
about your experiences and from reading your poetry?
Lyndsey: I think they could gain a lot of
self-confidence and a feeling of warmth and I think they
wouldn't feel that much alone anymore.
I
think they [other teens] could gain a lot of
self-confidence...and I think they wouldn't feel that
much alone anymore.
TI: What is going through your mind when you write
poetry? What are a few emotions?
Lyndsey: Mad. Sad. Confused. But yet relief
because I'm finally letting my feelings out.
TI: How do you express your individualism?
Lyndsey: The way I dress, the type of culture I'm
into, my personality, my friends, and what I like to do. I'm
VERY individual :-) Most people in my town are like,
"followers" they just follow what only the town can offer. I
take advantage and make my own little village in my town.
Individualize it to me. Not just be from that town and be
plain-Jane. You know?
TI: Amen to that sister!
Lyndsey: HeHe :-)
TI: Do you have any philosophies or sayings to live
by?
Lyndsey: Keep your head up. Keep it real (I know
that sounds like some "gangster - saying" but truly it's
not... it means to be yourself and not be fake. Keep it
REAL.) Those are both Tupac's sayings, hehe :-)
TI: What would you tell a teen if they were going
through what you've been through so far? Would you give them
other advice or tips?
Lyndsey: That other people's problems aren't your
own. Live for yourself - not to please anyone else. Find
your inside self and become it. Keep your head up. And that
there's always a bright day ahead. :-)
That
other people's problems aren't your own. Live for
yourself - not to please anyone else. Find your inside
self and become it. Keep your head up...there's always a
bright day ahead.
Read more of Lyndsey's poetry
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