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Entry #7: My parents just don't get it...

 

I don't know what to do. I mean, I know what to do, I already did it, but I'm not sure it's what I really want. But I'm jumping way ahead and you probably have no idea what I'm talking about, so let me start from the beginning.

Chaz asked me to the dance next week. I knew he would so I had it all planned out in my mind what I would say. When he asked if I wanted to go with him, I told him that I wanted to meet him there, that way we wouldn't officially be on a date. I told him that we could spend a lot of time together there, but that there's just something about the dating thing that makes me uncomfortable.

He took it pretty well, even though I was lying. Of course he didn't know that, but I did. And now you do too.

The reason I told Chaz I didn't want to go to the dance with him had nothing to do with what I just said. The truth was I just didn't want him to come to my house to pick me up. I didn't want to have to go through all this stuff when I told my parents I had a date. I couldn't bear the lecture I knew I'd get from my parents, especially my father. About how it was each generation's responsibility and obligation to keep our honored Chinese culture alive and how, even though he came to this country as an immigrant, that our family must never forget that we are Chinese. And where would our ancient tradition be if, in the next generation, my children did not have both a Chinese mother and a father? And that is why I must only date Chinese boys so that I will only marry one of them.

So if I didn't hear that lecture how come I know what they would have said? Because I've heard it a million times already! What they don't understand is that I'm not thinking about getting married. I'm only 15! I just want to go to the dance with Chaz! But I didn't. I turned him down because I didn't want to have to deal with any of that stuff with my father. And what about my mother? Where does she stand on the Chinese culture issue? Who knows? It's almost impossible to find out what she really feels about anything. You see, she doesn't talk all that much when my father is around. And whenever anything comes up that's the slightest bit controversial, she tells me that I am being disrespectful for speaking my opinion. And when she and I are alone together and I ask her how she really feels, she tells me that her opinion is not something that I need to know about. I just need to know what is the "right" thing to do. And that is her opinion. That really helps a lot, doesn't it? It's as if equality between the sexes just skipped over this house altogether.

 

Becca

 


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