Entry #19: I can see clearly now.


There comes a time in everyone's life when they have to face the music, you know, find out the truth. Even if you have this creeping dreaded feeling inside of you that once you hear the truth, your life is never going to be the same. That's the way I felt when Wendie told me all that stuff about Becca and the older dude from The InSite. But I said to myself, that no matter what the real story was, I needed to find out what was really going on and whether Becca and I had any future together.

I mean, I'm in love with Becca. And there's no way that I'm going to sit around on my butt feeling sorry for myself and playing mind games and wondering what's going on. The other thing I am totally unwilling to do is to like, lay my heart out like some welcome mat in front of her door and have her step on it, or wipe her feet on it every time she goes in or out the door. So you see, it was definitely time to talk to Becca.

Dave Brodsky, a guy I know from Geometry, has the same Bio class as Becca and he told me that Mr. Stills was at some conference or something today. So I knew they'd have a sub and since it's last period on a Friday , I figured no sub was going to load down a class with work. He'd probably just let them do homework or go to the library or something. And that's exactly what happened. Which made it perfect for me to talk to Becca.

I saw her on the way to the library. She looked adorable. I'm not kidding. Her hair was shiny and straight down to the middle of her back and the color is so dark it's almost blue-black. I love looking at her hair. And she was wearing this green sweater that I'd never seen before and well... I just wanted to hold her. And I would have except that as soon as she saw me she kinda had this guilty look like she knew that I knew that there was a secret between us. And that look on her face made me go cold inside. I mean, I had been thinking that the stuff I heard from JoAnn and from Wendie was pretty much bull. But when I saw that look on Becca's face, I thought, "Maybe it's true!"

So I just asked her if she wanted to break up with me. It was kinda hard to say, but I just had to know. And she looked at me with those wonderfully mysterious brown eyes of hers and said, "No!" Wow, that made me feel great! And we talked about the rumors and basically she said that after she told her parents about us, they had made it really hard for her to have a life, and so she turned to the computer. And it turns out her parents also never gave her any of my phone messages, so she thought I didn't care about her anymore (What a joke!). And that's why she was lonely and why she found herself attracted to the guy online. She swore that nothing romantic had ever happened between them and I totally believe her

So now it looks like we're going to work things out! I'm really happy. I'm going to go over to her house some time this week, after dinner, and meet her parents. Becca's going set it up. And I'm sure, after a spend a little time talking to them, that it's gonna be cool. I mean, I'm a nice guy and they'll see that. I am so glad Becca and I got everything out in the open. Now we can get on to the second phase of this relationship.

Yeah! Everything's gonna to be cool!




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