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I
asked Becca to the dance and I'm not sure
how I feel about the answer I got. She
said she would "meet me" at the dance.
That she didn't want us to go as "dates"
because she really wants us to be
"friends" and she's afraid that if we
start actually dating, we'll totally spoil
what we've got. She didn't say it in a
mean way, or anything. Any she didn't look
away, when she was talking to me, like a
lot of girls do when they're shooting you
down. She talked to me like she was really
thinking about what she was saying, and
not making up some crap. I respect
that.
So
I told her that it was cool, and I would
meet her at the dance.
After
talking with Becca I decided not to take
the bus home. I felt like walking. Or
flying. I felt like zooming out of this
town. Just going far away and not coming
back. But there was also a part of me that
was really happy and wanted to stick
around and see what happens here.
Just
to let you know, I'm definitely
not one of these guys that has
to be part of a couple. I'm not a macho
guy so I don't have to measure how macho I
am by how many girls I've got hanging all
over me. Forget it! That kind of stuff is
just for appearances. You know, to make
other guys think you're cool. But having a
friend, that's something just for me. And
if you've got someone you can really trust
and talk to about things that matter,
then, man, you've got something really
valuable.
That
Becca actually thinks of me as a "friend,"
that's a very good thing 'cause you know
how I've been feeling about Becca...
giving her my poem and everything. So when
she said she wanted us to go to the dance
as "friends" well, I don't necessarily
think that's bad. I mean, she could have
said, "no" right off, right? But instead,
she's talking about being friends. And
then right after that, she didn't run
away, like she was embarrassed or
anything. No, she just sat there with me
and told me about this book she's reading.
It's called "Reviving Ophelia" and it's
named after this character in Hamlet.
Ophelia was Hamlet's girlfriend, I
remember that because we read it freshman
year. Anyway, Ophelia is kinda torn
between being a good daughter and making
her father happy and trying to figure out
what the hell is going on in Hamlet's
crazed mind and making him happy. Then
Hamlet flips out big time and he gets real
crass and starts calling her a slut. She
feels publicly humiliated and used and she
ends up killing herself! It was one of
those typical Shakespeare tragedies where
everybody ends up dead. So I asked what
Becca all that had to do with the
book.
Becca
said that the psychologist who wrote the
book, had been working with teenage girls
for a long time and she noticed that
before girls' bodies start changing and
stuff, they are free and fearless and
independent. And then as soon as they get
their periods and getting, you know...
like breasts and stuff, there's this
message that comes down from society that
is real bad for them. All of a sudden guys
are treating them like sex objects and
they start worrying about getting fat and
that free and fearless girl kinda gets
lost somewhere. In her place you get this
teenage girl who's always trying to please
other people and doesn't have a clue what
she wants to do. I've known
lots of girls like that. Most of them, in
fact. And come to think of it, the girls I
was in elementary school with,
did seem way cooler. I
remember the girls in 3rd and 4th grade.
They used to run around the playground.
There was this one girl named Cassie, at
my old school. I liked her a lot 'cause
she seemed to know exactly who she was. If
you know what I mean. Even in 4th grade
there were some girls who were fooling
around with make-up and giggling at the
boys. But Cassie was cool because she
didn't do any of that stuff. Most of the
other girls didn't like her. Called her a
tomboy, but I liked her and so did the
other boys. She was friends with all of
them. That's probably the real reason the
girls didn't like her.
Anyway,
me and Becca were talking about this book,
and it made me think that I wanted to read
it, so I could talk to her about it some
more. And when I told her that, she smiled
and said it was cool that a guy would be
interested in psychology and the influence
that society has on the way we think and
feel about ourselves and each other. Well
I am interested in that stuff.
If Becca thinks that's cool... cool! But
that's not why I'm interested in
it.
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