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Though
you might be thinking "Miguel got
suspended. He doesn't have to go to
school. Cool!" I gotta say right off, that
this has not been fun for me. Yeah, I got
some small satisfaction punching Juan in
the face, but mostly I just feel ashamed.
I used to be a fighting man. When I lived
in L.A., that's what my life was about.
Being part of the gang, and getting mixed
up with the stuff that the brothers wanted
to do. You know, like if one of the
brothers met someone from another gang and
that other guy gave the brother a hard
time, well, then it was up to all of us to
seek honor and revenge. And that always
meant a fight. You know, when I was in the
middle of that life, I never really
thought that it was something bad... or
even stupid. It wasn't until my best
friend was shot and killed by a bullet
that was meant for me, that I began to
even think that this kind of life was not
for me. This kind of life was for people
who had no dreams. I got dreams, man! And
those dreams include making something of
myself. I am smart, I know that. And I
believe that even though I am an immigrant
to this country, if I use my intelligence,
I can go far. That is what my family
believes and my parents and all of my
relatives, have worked very hard, to see
that their children are going to have a
better life.
So you
see, I knew that fighting with Juan was
going to be a bad move. Even the short
time pleasure of feeling my fist in his
face could not convince me that this was a
long time smart move. I have had a few
days to think about it and I realize a lot
of things now. My love for my family is
very important to me and I do not want to
do anything else that will bring shame to
them. I will have to tell them about
getting suspended. They will probably
punish me, but that will be better than
keeping this secret from them. They are
good to me, and they only want the best
for me. Maybe they will understand why I
did what I did.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * *
I told
my parents about the fight. I chose a time
when Uncle Carlos was over because I
figured that my parents might not be too
angry with me in front of him. I was
wrong. I don't think it made any
difference. In fact, not only were my
parents angry, Uncle Carlos yelled at me
plenty too! But after they yelled and had
listened to my explanation of why I
started the fight, they seemed to forgive
me. They seemed to understand that the
feelings I have for Dee are very strong
and that I was frustrated that Juan had
hurt her (or tried to) and that I had not
been there to help her.
My
father told me that I should stay away
from Juan and that he knew that I really
was a man of honor who does not look to
solve problems with violence. It made me
feel good that my father believed this of
me.
I feel
better that my family knows what happened.
It seems like I learned some stuff because
of all of this. I didn't have the words
for all of what was crowding my head, so I
went for a walk. Taco started barking when
I put on my sweat shirt, but I told him
that I wanted to be alone. He gave me a
sad look but then Uncle Carlos whistled
for him and he ran to him.
The
trail was muddy from the recent rains, and
I could tell from the smoothness of the
trail, that not many people had been here
in the past day or two. I made my way to
the top of the ridge which overlooks part
of the trail below. I started to sing an
old Mexican song my grandfather taught
me... It's called "Savor a mi." It's kinda
hard to translate into English but mostly
it means: "Something I long for and savor,
like a wonderful taste in my mouth." The
song is slow and the words tell about
being with someone who is in love with
you. I was thinking about Dee as I sang
it.
It felt
good to let the music carry my feelings up
and out over the forest. Suddenly I heard
a shout and then the crash of a large rock
hitting a tree on the trail below. I went
to the edge of the ridge and looked down.
There was Dee climbing up the last part of
a little side trail! I was really
surprised to see her and so happy! I
helped her up and we sat there together,
on a fallen tree trunk, just enjoying the
peacefulness of the place. I told her
everything, and now there are no secrets
between us.
Tomorrow
I will go back to school and that feels
like exactly where I'm supposed to be
'cause, hey! I've got plans, man.
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