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Maybe
the boyfriend/girlfriend thing is doomed
to fail. I mean how many couples do you
know that actually are happy together for
more than a few weeks. Then... BAM it's
over, and they each go looking for someone
else to get together with. I've seen it
all around me. So what made me think that
it would be any different with me and
Dee.
Sure it
seemed like we had some stuff going for
us, but ever since that thing happened
with Juan, I've been feeling like she's
trying to be the boss of the relationship
or something. You know, it doesn't feel
right for the woman to be in charge. I
dunno if I'm saying that the man has to
call all the shots. There are plenty of
Latinas who seemed to be almost afraid to
show a guy that they have an opinion. I
don't like that. In fact, I think part of
the reason I was attracted to Dee in the
first place, way back in the beginning of
the year, was because she knew how to
stand up for herself. But what I don't
like, is when she starts telling me how to
be a man.
Okay,
well, maybe she hasn't done that exactly,
but the feeling I got when I punched Juan
in the face was a whole lot better inside
than the feeling of listening to Dee tell
me that she wanted me to stay away from
him and not do anything to defend her
honor. I'm sorry, maybe I am more macho
than I thought, but that just seems wrong
to me.
Isn't
that what a man can do for a woman?
Protect her? Take care of her? Defend her
honor when it needs defending? There is a
part of me that believes that this is in
my blood. And the last thing I want to do
is pretend that I don't feel this way. A
man has certain feelings that are natural
to him and I don't believe that a woman
can understand this. Maybe that's where
Dee and I took a wrong turn.
You see,
we went to this party and Cleavon offered
me some dope. I'm not really a smoker. I
mean, I have had weed before, especially
at parties at my old school, since I've
been at Sandale, I have not missed it. I
don't like feeling out of control and for
me, the high I got from marijuana was like
a haze over my brain. On the one hand, it
made me kinda relaxed, but on the other
hand, I found that I was not very alert
and I like to know what's coming down, you
know? So when Cleavon offered me some pot
I was going to say "no" In fact, I was
just about to say it when Dee tells me
that she doesn't want me to have it. Well,
it just felt like a mother talking to a
little kid and even though I love Dee, at
that moment, I resented her for trying to
boss me around and tell me what to
do.
So to
get back at her, and to show her that I
didn't go for that, I took the joint from
Cleavon and took a good long drag on it. I
could tell Dee was pissed at me, but I
didn't care. It serves her right for
trying to be the man. I could tell she was
mad even before she said she wanted to
leave. And to tell the truth, I didn't
really care whether we stayed any more or
not. I was feeling hazy from the pot and
when I feel that way, I would rather not
be around a bunch of people I don't know.
But then Cleavon started ragging on me for
letting my girlfriend tell me when it was
time to go. So I told Dee that I was
staying. She gave me a look that kinda
said, "You are being a jerk and I don't
want to be around you when you're like
this." And she left.
It got
worse after that. I smoked some more pot
and had a beer. Everyone around me started
looking very weird and I felt like I
really needed to get out of there. I
remember the phone ringing and someone
said that the neighbors were complaining
about the noise. The next thing I knew I
heard police sirens out in the street and
I just got the hell out of there as fast
as I could. The pot and the beer made me
feel unsure about where I was exactly. I
remember running down one street and
getting to the corner, and not knowing
which way to turn. I heard another siren
in the distance and my heart jumped. I ran
to the left as fast as I could and tripped
on something. I went down hard, banging my
knee on the sidewalk. Through the rip in
my jeans I could see the blood oozing from
my scrapped skin. My stomach felt soggy
and my brain was twisted. I was scared and
I wished I'd left with Dee. The sirens
faded and I pulled myself to my feet and
after several wrong turns, I came to a
main street I knew. Twenty minutes later I
was home.
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