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Even
though Dee isn't back yet we had a meeting
with our English group anyway. Becca says
that she has started writing the play and
she needed some more ideas for things the
characters could say so we started talking
about this Insider /Outsider thing... I
mean, being a person of color in this
country is not an easy thing. White people
look at you and automatically you are an
Outsider to them. And it makes you feel
like either they hate you or they feel
sorry for you but in either case, they
really don't even see you as a person at
all. Just brown skin. I have felt that
every since I came here. But while we were
talking a funny thing happened. I began to
feel like I'm not the only one who has
felt that way. There was Chaz. This white
kid with blond hair and blue eyes and he
was saying that he knew just how I felt
because he had been there too. Sure, maybe
not because of the color of his skin, or
his last name or the way he speaks, but
for other reasons. Because of the way he
thinks and acts and dresses. And the books
he reads and whole way he looks at
society. He says because of those
differences he has always felt like a
stranger. I never thought a white person
could feel that way (except, of course, a
gay white person). I liked him more when
he talked about it.
And
Becca talked about herself too. Which is
kinda strange because although she always
raises her hand in class to answer a
teacher's question she is one of the most
private and secretive people I have ever
known. Maybe that is a part of being
Chinese, I don't know... and maybe by
saying that I am being a racist. I hope
not! The truth is I don't know much about
Chinese people. In my old school there
weren't any so it's hard for me to
understand. But then, maybe that's a
totally lame excuse for being ignorant. It
sounds like something I would get mad at
if I heard someone say that about Latinos
- that we are all ... whatever. I mean how
can every member of a certain
group all think or act the same in any
way? They can't! So probably the way Becca
is, kinda quiet and shy, has
nothing to do with the fact
that she is Chinese... and
everything to do with the fact
that she is Becca. Anyway, Becca has a
careful way of talking about things. It's
like she believes the language is
something special and that if you're going
to bother to open your mouth and talk,
especially about personal things that are
important to you, you might as well choose
words that are going to communicate
exactly what you mean.
She said
that she has felt like an Outsider too, a
lot of the time. Here at Sandale there are
other Asian students but most of them are
guys who are into computers and that is
not something that really interests her so
much. She likes to write stories and
poetry and when she writes, she likes to
watch the words flow out from her brain,
through the pen and onto the paper not on
to a screen. So she told us that just
because she is Asian doesn't automatically
mean that she only wants to hang out with
other Asian kids. Because everyone
different, you know?
And I
do know. There are some Latino
kids in this school who do this macho
thing I feel like I've outgrown. It is a
tough guy act they do, especially around
the white kids... and the black kids too.
I have seen too much of that and where it
leads to, to want to be around it anymore.
So there
were the three of us, Chaz, Becca and me
and we all felt like Outsiders. So we
started wondering if everybody, no matter
what group they're in, feel, at some time,
that they don't really belong. I bet they
do! And because that's the way it is, this
idea for a play that Becca is writing,
will be something that everyone can relate
to. And maybe when people see this play
there will be something inside of each of
them that says: "If everyone feels that
way, maybe we could all do something to
make each other feel more like Insiders."
Yeah... you know I'm thinking that this
play could be the beginning of something
very important at this school. Something
that really helps to tear down the walls
between people. If it could do that, it
would be mucho
bueno.
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