Make it Write I Never Did Gymnastics by Fairley   I never did gymnastics too big, surely too clumsy. Never dance or trapeze, Swimming my body was hidden under big clothes and cover up. Sitting watching only graceful slimness and knowing I would never be. Spending hours watching and seeking perfection. Wasting life with a wave of mascara. Unsatisfied, frustrated and torn between my constant yearning for acceptance, love, respect and respect for myself. Imagining how beautiful I could be with only a few needed changes. Imagining what I could then do. I would be a dancer, a gymnast. I'd swim, swim, swim Instead I hid, hid. Every day my body image shadowing all my thoughts, controlling many moves.   I know now that I am beautiful I know now that beauty is so much, ubiquitous in everyone some place. I know I've been taught and controlled by a lie. I know I am so much more. I am aware that my tortured mind and oppressed actions were unfair. But then why do I still stand in front of the mirror? It is so ingrained. Why am I still afraid to dance or swim, spend hours primping to perfection, satisfied only when feeling loved and beautiful?

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