E M O T I O N S:
 Love
He/She Doesn't Love Me Anymore!
Still hooked on an old flame?
It can be murder letting go of a relationship that's over. Even one
that wasn't ever very good to begin with. We're all creatures of habit.
That means we cling to familiar things. Often we get so used to places,
things, people, and the ways we relate to them, we don't look to see whether
they make us happy or not.
He/She was so wonderful. (sigh)
Maybe that's true. Maybe he/she was the most terrific, lovable
person in the world. Maybe you were the one who broke things off, not realizing
at the time how wonderful it all was. And now it's too late. Maybe he/she
has moved on to someone else and doesn't want to get back with you. This
is a tough one. It really hurts. And all you can do at this point is try
to learn from it. Hopefully, next time (and, there will be a next
time) you'll do a better job of appreciating the people in your life while
they are still in your life!
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You've been dumped. Sometimes you absolutely did
appreciate your boyfriend/girlfriend. In fact, you're convinced they were
the love of your life! Problem is, they just didn't feel that way
about you and now they're gone. Sigh! You feel awful. You feel rejected.
Everything reminds you of him/her and you can't get him/her out of your
mind. People say, "time heals all wounds." So, you could wait
until you feel better. But the truth is, waiting may never completely release
the bad feelings you have. They may become less intense, but they may continue
to affect you in other ways in future relationships. So, waiting for feelings
to change is not a good strategy. |
Fortunately, there are ways to deal with your feelings now.
- Talk to your "ex." Tell him/her how you feel. Don't expect
this to get you back into the relationship. The idea here is just to communicate
your feelings. Uncommunicated feelings is what keeps the bad feelings stuck
in place.
- What if your ex won't talk with you? You can still communicate your
feelings by writing them down in a "letter." You never have to
send the letter. The purpose is not to make them change, but to get the
feelings out of your system. If you're honest in what you write, including
describing the things you did to contribute to the breakup, you will feel
better.
- Pretend you are your ex and, as your ex, write a letter to you. Put
yourself in their place. Say all the things you believe they will say.
If you can really get into it, you'll find yourself expressing things you
never even knew you were aware of.
If you don't feel better, then there's more stuff to communicate.
Or maybe it's not true. Could be the one you loved wasn't all
that worthy of your love. Maybe they didn't treat you very well. And now
that it's over, you are romanticizing the lost relationship because you
miss it. Maybe that feeling of loss is totally clouding your vision (and
your memory) so you can't see that the whole thing wasn't really good for
you.
What can you do? If you've been walking around inside this sadness cloud long enough then it's time to
let it go, move on, and create some new stuff in your life. You know, like
new friends, new activities, new plans for the future! Go have some fun.
You deserve it.
Remember...It's your movie, kid.
If you need more specific help,
write to
Hey Terra!
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