The Insite - Relationships

R E L A T I O N S H I P S:
Step Parents

Your parents have the right to a happy relationship with someone else.

You're Going on a Date?!

Sometime, down the road, after everyone has gotten a little more used to the divorce, one or both of your parents may get involved romantically with someone else. They might even consider living together or marriage. This new romantic relationship will greatly affect your life. It's also bound to create conflicts. The way you deal with these conflicts is very important and can improve your relationship with both of your parents! (For valuable conflict resolution tips check out the Conflict Resolution "ToolKit.")

It's Weird!

Sure it might be strange at first, seeing your Mom or Dad romantically involved with someone else, but they are entitled to a life after divorce.

Remember:

The "step parent" is not trying to replace your biological parent. Even though it may feel that way at times
You may feel disloyal if you like him/her too much. This is a natural reaction to all the changes you've been through. But if you have a great step-parent, congratulations! Enjoy the relationship. There is plenty of love to go around. And make sure your biological parent gets plenty from you, too. (He/She might be feeling especially vulnerable if they are not in a new relationship.)
Respect and good listening work better than being rude, hostile, and accusatory. If there's something going on that you don't like, use "I feel" statements to express your feelings. What you have to say will be heard more easily that way, and you'll be better able to resolve conflicts.

Who's in Charge?

Let your mom or dad know that you think they should discipline you (when necessary). It's not your step parent's job. (This may be a relief for everyone and improve relationships, too.)

Need to Talk?

Many people find it helps to talk to someone outside the family about the difficulty and stress of their situation. Lots of family therapists, counselors, and mental health professionals specialize in the issues around divorce and family transitions. Sometimes the outside opinion and support they give can help you understand your unique situation and help you make choices that work best for you.

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

Got a question? Write to Hey, Terra!