R E L A T I O N S H I P S:
Wish I Had a Boyfriend/Girlfriend!

Some people believe that love is one of those things in life that just "happens" to you, if you're lucky. So if you don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend at the moment, and you really wish you did, then you probably feel very unlucky. But does luck have anything to do with falling in love and having someone fall in love with you? It's not like winning a poetry contest or getting to be a starter on the basketball team because luck usually implies that you were just in the right place at the right time and didn't need to put in any special effort to make something happen.

You know, some people don't even believe there is such a thing as luck. On some level, we are knowingly making all kinds of choices so we can learn certain lessons in life. And everything happens for a reason (even though we may not have any idea what the reason is at the time). So when it comes to love, luck may have a lot less to do with the whole thing than you realize. And that's the good news! Because if you don't need luck for good things to happen in your life (like falling in love), that means you can use your own power to make things happen for yourself.

Get Clear on What You Want.

If you want to find a bf/gf (boyfriend/girlfriend) it makes sense to know what you're looking for? What are you looking for, anyway? Someone who is "drop dead gorgeous," of course! (Just kidding!) Good looks might be important to you, but how about the other stuff? Haven't thought about it much? Well you should. Because the physical attraction isn't the whole story. If it is, then it's going to be a very short story.

So make a list of what you need in a bf/gf. (Right, we mean an actual list written on paper.) It will help you get clear on what kind of people you like to hang out with. And after all, a bf/gf should be enough of a friend that you enjoy being with them.

Be specific. Is a sense of humor important to you? (If it is, write it down.) How about intelligence? Friendliness? Kindness? Creativity? A good listener? Open to new experiences? Someone willing to talk about their feelings? Someone you can trust? Someone who has strong ideas about things and is willing to speak up about them? Do you want your bf/gf to be interested in the same things you are interested in (like sports, art, computers, music, books, horses, surfing, community service, theater, whatever)? Is it okay if they have totally different interests? What's important to you? Put it on the list!

Use positive statements. Say what you want rather than what you don't want. Rather than saying, "I don't want someone who is loud and obnoxious." say "I want someone who is considerate."

Prioritize your list. All items on your list are not of equal importance, and some are "absolute musts" and others are "would be nice but not a deal breaker." For example, it might be okay if your new bf/gf doesn't care much about mountain biking (even though you're crazy about it), but maybe it's really essential that they are a non-smoker. You can assign each item on your list a number with the most important item getting #1, next most important a #2, etc. Where on your list are the "absolute musts" and where are the "would be nices"?

After you've completed your list look it over carefully. Is it realistic? (In other words, could any one person possibly have all of these wonderful qualities?) Does your list describe anybody you already know (other than yourself)? Are you sure?

What Do You Have to Offer?

The other part to finding a perfect match is being aware of what you have to offer. So make another list to describe yourself. Be as honest as you can. (No one needs to see this but you.) If you are being completely honest you will list your strengths as well as your weakness. Like: Great sense of humor might be listed as one of your strengths, and Doesn't always listen to what other people have to say might be one of your weaknesses.

Now What?

You have just raised your level of awareness about what you are looking for in a bf/gf and what you have to offer. Now it's time to set things in motion. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and imagine meeting your new bf/gf. Don't focus so much on what the person looks like. Instead imagine what it feels like being with them, talking, laughing, going places, enjoying being together. Imagining things the way you want them is the first step to turning them into reality.

There is really nothing more you need to do to "find" a bf/gf. Just continue doing the things you do with this new awareness in mind, and be open to opportunities that come your way. Whenever you meet someone new, do a quick mental comparison with your list. You may find that the universe will respond in interesting ways.

Nobody is Perfect. (Including You.)

This is a good thing to remember when you finally find a bf/gf. Because he/she is not going to be perfect either. The best thing two people can do for each other is acknowledge their own strengths and help each other work on their own weaknesses. Hopefully you will find a person who does not have all the same strengths and weaknesses you have. If you complement each other (that is, have different strengths and weaknesses) you will be more likely to grow in the relationship.

Got a question? Write to Hey, Terra!


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last updated November 19, 2005
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