Terra's Past Letters
Hey Terra,This guy I have a crush on is 27 (I'm 18). I think he's nice and caring and looks gorgeous. The only big problem I see is that he has a girlfriend and a kid. So he is with someone his own age. I just have a crush but I'm not dating him. He flirted with me when I first met him. He asked me to go for a walk but I didn't cause I didn't want his girlfriend to start anything with me. I heard she has a bad attitude. But I know for a fact that I can't get with this guy cause he lives far away. I was beginning to think he was joking when he flirted considering he has somebody. I've dreamed about him 8 times. I told my mom he was staring at me a lot and she said he's probably just attracted to me. I think he likes me but not really in that way. I think he was joking around with me to see what I'll say. But maybe he really does think I'm pretty. Not that he said that just by the stuff he said. I think that's what he thinks of me. Can I have your opinion? Thanks.
Dear Country Girl,
Okay, here's my opinion:
This guy is not good boyfriend material (age issue aside). Why do I say that? Because he:
A) has a girlfriend
B) he has a child with that girlfriend
C) he isn't ready to commit to being responsible for his family. (He hasn't made the emotional and legal commitment that says "This is my wife and my child and I'm here to take care of them and raise this child.") D) He is flirting with someone else (that shows he doesn't have respect for the mother of his child.) He made a baby with her and he is still acting like he's a single guy on the prowl. You were very wise not to go for a walk with him. But I think the reason behind your saying "No thank you" was not correct. You say you have heard that his girlfriend has a "bad attitude" and you didn't want to mess with her. Does "bad attitude" mean she doesn't appreciate her boyfriend cheating on her? I don't think any girl would have a "good attitude" about that kind of behavior from a guy!
E) He's a player. You say you think he is "nice and caring." Well, it doesn't sound like he is so nice and caring to the mother of his child. I wonder how much time he spends with his girlfriend and his child? How much of a role does he play in the child's life? How many other girls (beside you) does he regularly flirt with or do other things with? Maybe this is why his girlfriend has a bad attitude! Sure he's attracted to you, but don't believe for a minute that because he thinks you're pretty or he wants to get close with you physically that he is the kind of man who will be there for you. If he flirts behind his girlfriend's back, what makes you think he wouldn't do the same to you with some other girl?
Bottom line, my opinion is that this guy is bad news. If you get involved with him you will regret it.
I hope this helps.
PS Does your mom know that he has a girlfriend and a baby??
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