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Terra's Past Letters

 

Peer pressure:
"My friends would diss me if I asked out the girl I like."

Hey Terra,

There's this girl. She's real cool and all that. I'm thinking about asking her out or something, but there's a problem. All my mates would think I'm a total reject if I did. I wanna go out with her but I don't wanna be excluded or dissed either. I know it's not fair to let that be part of my decision, but when I am dissed I take it seriously. I can't help it, it's just the way I am. I don't wanna have to go through that. But I really want that girl, too. Please Help!! What do I do??

Stuck-in-the-Middle

 

Dear Stuck-in-the-Middle,

What do you do? You do what is right. You like the girl. You are drawn to her. There is something about her that makes you want to get to know her better. These are good things. These feelings are the beginning of connections to other people. With positive connections we learn much more about ourselves and we grow in new directions. All good things. So asking her out is what feels right. Asking her out is what you want to do. Imagine yourself doing that. Imagine her smiling with pleasure that you've taken an interest in her. Imagine that your friendship with her becomes something very important and nurturing in your life. How does that feel?

Sit for a moment with that image and those feelings of being with the girl.

Now, imagine yourself with your mates. Imagine allowing their words and opinions to convince you not to pursue a connection with the girl. Not to do what feels right. How does that feel?

Now imagine one last thing. Imagine yourself choosing to ask the girl out in spite of what your mates say. Imagine standing up for what you know is right. How does that feel?

Think about it and please write back.

Also, you say when you're dissed you "take it seriously." Fair enough. But do you also take it seriously when people who should be supporting you turn against you? True friends are happy for you when you have a chance to pursue happiness. They don't diss you, they encourage you to go for it. Maybe these mates of yours are not true friends.

In friendship,

Terra

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