Hey Terra!

Terra's Past Letters


Wish I had one:
"Is it wrong to hook up with someone you have no feelings for?"

Hey Terra,

It's close to the time of the year when my ex-boyfriend dumped me. After him, I started hooking up with this other guy. Then this totally other guy who I used to hook up with wants to start again. I want to also, but I don't want to lose my self-respect. Is it wrong to hook up with someone? I have no feelings for him and I understand that we're basically just using each other. I don't want to feel alone and my body needs this. But is it morally wrong? Do you think I would regret it? I just don't want to be alone at this time. I haven't tried the letter thing you suggested for closure with my ex because I've been so busy with school. But I will try it some time soon because we have some days off of school. I know it will be soooo emotional. But should I start talking to that guy again? Also, I'm very paranoid that I'm gonna die early from AIDS. My friend told me that's because I feel like I'm doing something wrong. What should I do?

Paranoid and horny


Dear Paranoid and horny,

Here are the reasons you have given (in your own words) why hooking up with someone is NOT a good idea:

1. I don't want to lose my self-respect.
2. I have no feelings for him.
3. We are just using each other.
4. I'm very paranoid I'm gonna die from AIDS.
Here are the reasons you have given (in your own words) why you're considering this:
1. I don't want to feel alone.
2. My body needs this.
I can't tell you what is "morally wrong" for you. You need to use your own judgment for that. What I can suggest is that you take a look at the two lists. Do the lists of reasons TO DO and NOT TO DO help you decide what is right for you? Also, if hooking up with a guy who just wants sex feels like it might be something you will "regret" it probably WILL be something you regret. And one last question for you to think about: You say you "don't want to feel alone." You've got friends and family who care about you, right? Then there's no reason to be alone. And I've gotta tell you that having sex with someone you have "no feelings for" has to be the MOST lonely thing you can do.

As for your statement "my body needs this", you may need sexual release, in which case, masturbation is safe and always available. What your body doesn't need is to be put at risk for pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases including HIV/AIDS.

Now what do you think is the right thing for you to do?

In friendship,


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