Hey Terra!

Terra's Past Letters


BF/GF Relationships:
"I feel like I can't meet my boyfriend's standards."

Hey Terra,

I have been dating this wonderful man, 24, for about 7 months now. We met over the Internet and we clicked. Well, I have Italian blood in me so when someone cops a attitude or fight with me I fight back for myself. He is an easy going guy that doesn't like to fight but sometimes how he puts his foot down makes me mad. Like I have to change a bunch of things about myself so we can get married and live a perfect life.

I don't want to be fake in anyway but I feel like that if I don't meet his standards then I will lose him... (more sex, calm and easy going, can Not get stressed out, spend all my time with him, can't go out with friends, needs to know where I am at all times.)

I have never cheated or lied to him. I try to be this perfect little girlfriend but I am getting really tired of being used. Am I being used? I put my foot down last weekend cause I am cleaning his place all the time and no one seem to care so I told him that I wasn't volunteering my services anymore cause him and his messy roommate. He said it was fine and that I didn't have to do it but that only made it seem like I was the mom, maid, and lover... That sucks... lol

Simply question


Dear Simply question,

Let me tell you something that I believe you already know... it's a mistake to think that you have to "change a bunch of things about yourself" to be "right" for someone else. This guy is using you big time and the more you let him, the faster your Italian blood is going to boil. He is not going to change and neither are you. Don't even think about marrying this man, it would be a total disaster!

You are who you are. Straightforward, powerful, independent woman. Rejoice in that and know that someday you will meet a man who will want you exactly as you are. (In fact, who you are, will be what he loves most about you... as it should be.)

This guy may be "wonderful" but he is clearly not "wonderful" for you. Forget about "meeting his standards." Be true to your own! End this relationship. The sooner you do, the sooner you will regain your self-respect, your integrity and your sense of joy in life. You'll also be that much closer to finding a man with whom you can build a relationship of equals. As for your boyfriend, he can find a quiet, submissive cleaning person from an agency!

In friendship,


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