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Terra's Past Letters


Sex and Sexuality:
"I told my bf I'd do a threesome with him."

Hey Terra,

I'm naturally just an emotional person. I need to tell you what's going on so that I know if I'm overreacting or not. I told my boyfriend that I would have a threesome with him. Well, I was comfortable with it as long as I was in charge and that I would look for the girl. Well I found out that girls have been IMing him and he says he checks to see if they're bi first and then he talks to them. But it just hurt me cuz I don't want him to talk to anyone else. I'm so insecure and I don't want him doing that. We ended up fighting and hanging up the phone cuz I just don't like it, and he feels he's doing nothing wrong since all he'll do is ask if they're bi and if they are, he'll give them my screen name. First of all, I'm just hurt that he didn't even tell me that girls IM him. Second, we've been going out for a while, and no where on his profiles and websites online does it say that he has a girlfriend. It says I have a boyfriend on all of mine. I understand that he might be getting impatient since I haven't found a girl yet, but I just got a job and I work 6 hours after school and I still have to maintain my GPA.

Am I being stupid to worry about the girls IMing him?

SECOND---- he's going to the Dominican Republic this summer... for a little less than two months. I really feel like he'll do something stupid. He has cheated on his exes, and this is in a WHOLE NOTHER COUNTRY! He always gets mad at me when I ask questions about what he's doing and that I call nonstop until he answers. I just get so paranoid, how can I trust ANOTHER guy when I've been hurt so many times by others?! and when I said that sentence to him, he yelled that I compared him to other guys.

He makes me so happy, and my whole life changed just because of him. I was being so stupid and going nowhere in life and he helped me to realize what I want in life. Well I just get scared cuz I don't want to lose him. He said, "don't worry, you'll never lose me."

I talked to my guy friends and they all said, "even if a guy cheats, the girl he cheated with means nothing. The girlfriend is the one who means something." So is cheating OK if the girlfriend is still top priority? I mean, is that why women take back cheating husbands?

Prom is coming up next Saturday, and I want it to be an amazing night. Should I even bring this subject up about the girls IMing him when he comes back home or forget it so that what little time we have together before he goes away is great, and only good times?

Am I overreacting about the girls IMing him, and about him going away this summer? I get so scared, I don't want to lose him to some girl. I don't want some other girl having his kiss, or ANYTHING... what should I do?



Dear Penelope,

I don't think this guy knows what it means to be a boyfriend. Maybe you think that he makes you "so happy" and that before you met him you were being "so stupid" and going "nowhere" in life, but you don't sound "so happy" when you describe your "hurt" about his IMing other girls and not putting "I have a girlfriend" in his online profile. I don't know where you were "going in life" before, but it kinda sounds like now, thanks to him, you're pimping for your boyfriend. Maybe that's a bit harsh, but... No, I don't think so. He wants you to find a girl for him to have sex with. That sure sounds like pimping to me. And you're concerned that maybe the sweet guy is getting "impatient" because you haven't "found a girl yet." Hey, what's more important? Your GPA and your after school job, or your boyfriend's sex needs!!?

I'm sorry, honey, but I've to tell it like I see it. This guy is using you big time and you are acting like you're grateful.

To answer your question, No, I don't think you're "being stupid" to worry about the other girls. You should worry about him plenty. This guy doesn't love you. How do I know? I've been around and a guy who loves you doesn't ask for a threesome. Doesn't talk to other girls online. Doesn't hide the fact that he's got a girlfriend. Doesn't do any of that stuff because a guy who love you wants only you.

Your thoughts?

In friendship,


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