Hey Terra!

Terra's Past Letters


Sexual orientation:
"My girlfriend won't come out to her parents."

Hey Terra,

I have been in a long-term relationship with my girlfriend for about 4 yrs. I don't feel we are getting anywhere and I don't feel I am right for her. I have been out as a lesbian for 5 years and she is still "in the closet" with her parents. They are homophobic so she wont tell them, and I feel that is impacting on our relationship. I feel we can't get together fully until she will come out too. What can I do to make her come out or how should I break up with her?

Out Sister Out


Dear Out Sister Out,

Four years is a pretty long time to be involved with someone.

She obviously hasn't come to terms with her sexual orientation to the degree that she's ready to come out to her parents. You certainly can't make that choice for her. So where does that leave you as a couple?

If she isn't willing to publicly acknowledge the relationship to her parents because of their homophobia... OK, I can see her hesitancy. As much as we'd like to believe that we don't want our parents' approval, most of us still, even as adults, crave it.

But coming out aside, if you don't feel you two are "getting anywhere" and you don't feel that you are "right for her", why are you still together?

Write back and we'll talk some more.

In friendship,


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