Hey Terra!

Terra's Past Letters


Sex and Sexuality:
"When I wouldn't have sex with him again he dropped me."

Hey Terra,

This may sound a little blunt or straightforward, but I am in desperate need of some answers from someone I don't know who can give me advice. Here's the story, I am so depressed that I cry constantly. I Lost my virginity to a "friend" who I had only really known for 2 months. I wasn't depressed then but he completely dropped me when he tried to have sex with me again and I wouldn't let him. I have to see this person every single day of my life. Sometimes he acts like he wants a relationship or wants to start talking to me again because of the way he looks at me and he even follows me when I'm driving. I have been so incredibly attracted to him since day one, and I can't seem to get over him and the thoughts of him. It seems like every single song I hear on the radio reminds me of him or when I watch TV. The main character's name is his. I cry constantly because he was something special to me and I don't know how to get over my feelings and regrets for him. My grades have gone down, I don't take care of myself, and I feel so lonely. What do I do to be happy again and what do I have to do to just say "you learn by your mistakes" and really mean it??? Please give me any advice that you can possibly think of. No one I know can help me through this. help..... Desperate!



Dear Depressed,

I hope you are feeling better than you were when you wrote to me several weeks ago. If not, maybe this will help:

Girls often confuse a guy's sexual interest in them with a real caring relationship. It sounds like that's what happened here. You have convinced yourself that this guy was "something special" to you, and yet, if you reread your letter, you will see that you said you had "only really known him for 2 months."

Having sex with someone you don't really know and then convincing yourself that this was "love" is a common mistake girls make. I have great respect for the fact that you refused to have sex with this guy a second time. The fact that he dumped you right after that should be proof that he didn't really care about you or the relationship. He just wanted to have sex. He is following you when you drive, hoping that you will fall for the same thing again and let him get into your pants!

Look, here's my advice. Quit moping around after this dude. Stop giving him so much power over you. He's immature, self-centered, and a total player. He doesn't deserve your love and he's certainly not worth getting depressed about.

Take a deep breath, stand up tall, and say this to yourself: "I deserve to be treated with respect. I made a mistake having sex with a guy like that, but it's not going to happen again. I've wasted enough time whining about this. I've got plans, I've got talent, I've got goals to accomplish. I'm ready to move on!"

Now go take a shower, wash your hair, call up a real friend and make plans to do something you enjoy.

You are a strong and independent young woman and this is YOUR life. Go live it!

In friendship,


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