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Terra's Past Letters

 

Jealousy:
"All the guys I like always like my best friend."

Hey Terra,

I finally got over my crush on this guy that I had liked for 3 years. Only because he liked my best friend and he was being a jerk. But now I like someone new. And he likes my best friend too. (It's the same best Friend.) I mean I know she can't help it. It just makes me think more of how much more pretty she is than me and how much thinner she is than me and stuff like that. And it makes me mad not at her, just at the situation.

I really don't want to be mad because she is the best friend I have ever had. But I know she doesn't like him and that she would never go out with him. (I asked her that.) But I guess I am just................... jealous. What should I do?

Jealousy Sucks

 

Dear Jealousy Sucks,

You don't need me to tell you that these feelings are stressing you out. Especially since you really like the person you are jealous of. So my advice to you is to calm down (breathe and try to relax) so that you can think more clearly about what's going on here.

You know you can't control many of the things in this situations that you're stressing about.

  1. You can't control how your friend looks or the affect she has on guys.
  2. You can't control how the guy feels about her.
But you have 100% control over the choices you make, and that includes how you RESPOND to everything that happens around you.

Here's my advice, make a conscious effort to STOP the jealous thoughts and the "I wish I looked like her" attitude. You can do this! Since you are the one creating these self-destructive thoughts you can choose to create alternative thoughts.

When the usual jealousy pops up, recognize it for what it is. A THOUGHT. And then consciously say to yourself. "There's that thought again and I'm now choosing NOT TO GO THERE."

It's going to take some effort to get out of this thought pattern you've created, but you definitely can do it.

Here's something else that can help, right now, I challenge you to make a list of everything that is RIGHT with you. Go ahead, make a list. It might include such items as:

  1. I am smart.
  2. I am a good friend.
  3. I am a good listener.
  4. I have a good sense of humor.
etc., etc.

Whenever you have a jealous thought, replace it with something from your "What's right with me" list. In this way you can change wrong thinking into right thinking. New habit. More healthy and beneficial to YOU.

One more thing, the right guy for you wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him. If some guy you're crushing on doesn't like you back, then that doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or that there's something wrong with him. All it means is that he's just not the right guy for you.

The right guy is out there. Love yourself for all of your good qualities (you've got lots of them) and you'll be better able to recognize him when you meet him.

OK?

In friendship,

Terra

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