Hey Terra!

Terra's Past Letters


Wish I had one:
"How can I tell if a girl likes me?"

Hey Terra,

How do I know if a girl likes me or not? Because I have Aspergers Syndrome, my social troubles and lack of experience make it even more difficult for me to "read social cues" that are obvious to others. I have a few friends but even those are not in-depth like the ones my peers talk and write about in Literature class. I've read many nonfiction books on the subject, which only leads to more questions instead of answers.

Thank you for your help.

Socially Inept Sophomore


Dear Socially Inept Sophomore,

Before your email I had no in-depth information about Asperger's Syndrome. I just went to users.wpi.edu/~trek/aspergers.html and read up on it. I can see you are dealing with some challenges and I applaud your courage as you deal with them. I am not a medical doctor so there's no way I can talk to you about your treatment. I'm assuming you are receiving some medical treatment.

What I can tell you is that how you feel about yourself is the key to the way others experience you. The most "attractive" people (i.e., folks who draw others to them) are the ones who are the most comfortable being themselves. Know why this tends to be true? It's because when you are comfortable (read "accepting") of who you are, you have a generous spirit. That means you are willing to accept others as they are. On the other end of the spectrum are folks who compulsively find fault with everyone and everything around them. These folks do not drawn people to them, just the opposite! No one wants to be around someone who complains all the time and is generally a pain in the ass! ;O) So why are irritable people so irritable when it makes other people NOT want to be near them? They may not be able to disconnect from this behavior pattern. You see, they are so dissatisfied with themselves, that they get into an automatic "nothing is good enough" mode.

I'm not saying any of this applies to you, I was just looking at the way you signed your email. So, since you have reached out to me for help, I'm going to assume you are going to be receptive to some suggestions. Here's the first one: Tell me some things you are very adept at. (Please notice that adept is the opposite of "inept".)

I await your reply.

In friendship,


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