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Terra's Past Letters


Wish I had one:
"Is it lust or love?"

Hey Terra,

Can you tell me if it's lust or love?

I usually have a hard outward demeanor which I adopted after my father died and I basically never let it down in public to anyone. But I go to my best mate's house and his sister is wandering around the house being a typical female and I get all mushy and she can ask me to do anything for her except hurt anyone.

But when she talks to me her demeanor somehow changes around me and she glances at me every now and then. I try to catch her doing it but she snaps her head away as if she saw a fly fly by her head. When I'm not in the same area as her she's on my mind a lot and I just can't help thinking how she is doing and if she is all right.



Dear Luvin',

All I can say from your description of your feelings about her and her behavior toward you is that you are both clearly "interested" in each other. Whether it is "lust" or "love," there's no way I can know that. Another possibility is that it may be a bit of each.

Here's my suggestion: work on the friendship aspect of this relationship, assuming you have one with the girl. If you have never really had a conversation with her or talked regularly about things that matter, how about doing that (so that you can get to know her better as a person and she can get to know you better)?

Invest some time in the talking and listening part of relating and see where it leads. Most young people tend to take all of their cues from the physical sensations they are experiencing. Sex is a survival mechanism and when a person is physically attracted to another person all rational thought gets tossed in the back seat if not out of the car!

Challenge yourself to proceed in a 'thoughtful' manner. That means talking and finding out if there is more to this than lust. That's the best way I know to create a solid foundation for a relationship (you are looking for a relationship aren't you and not just a random hook-up?).

I hope this helps.

Good luck.

In friendship,


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