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Terra's Past Letters


Sex and Sexuality:
"How can I tell my mom I lost my virginity?"

Hey Terra,

I have been with this boy for like a month and we had sex. I was a virgin but I lost it with him. When we talked, like four days after I lost my virginity with him he told me that his girlfriend found out about us and we can't see each other no more. When we met he had told me he didn't have a Girl. What should I do?

PS I had promised my mother I would keep my virginity till marriage. Now I don't know how to tell my mom that I lost it. What should I do? Please help me. I thought he was the love of my life when I give him my Virginity.

Lost and Needs Help


Dear Lost and Needs Help,

The guy lied to you in order to have sex with you and I totally understand why you feel betrayed. I know that you believed when you had sex with him that he was "the love of your life" but you made a mistake. You didn't know him well enough to know his true character. You also didn't know him long enough (a month) to know whether this was 'love' or just a crush. I hope you didn't make another mistake by not using protection when you had sex with him. Did you use protection?

Losing your virginity to a guy you really didn't know is, of course, upsetting. You can not take back that decision. You cannot undo what you chose to do.

It sounds like it would be helpful for you to talk with someone about this. Is it possible that you could talk to your school counselor? This isn't a sign of weakness nor will you be expected to name names. The point here is that you are upset and you would benefit from talking with a counselor to help you sort out your feelings.

As for telling your mother what happened, that, of course, is your choice. But before you decide what is best, ask yourself this: If I tell my mother, will that help the situation at all? Will it make me feel better? Will it upset her? Does she really need to know this?

Only you can answer those questions. But think about it.

In the meantime, consider talking to the school counselor -- it will be a private and confidential conversation.

I hope this helps.

In friendship,


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