Hey Terra!

Terra's Past Letters


From just friends to more?:
"Since I told her I like her things aren't the same."

Hey Terra,

I really like this girl. We have been really good friends for the whole year and I have waited the whole year so far to make sure that this wasn't just a "crush." My feelings for her have just gotten stronger since then. I told her I liked her fairly recently and she kind of said yes and no to going out at the same time.

It's been about a month or two since then and we have kind of drifted apart as friends. I still really like her, but we can't keep conversations going anymore. She really wants to become friends again as do I. I think part of the problem is that I like her so much and its hard for me to talk to her now that I have told her I like her. I feel kinda awkward now.

Do you have any suggestions of how we could become close friends again? We both want to, it's just hard.

What Do I Do?


Dear What Do I Do,

Because your feelings for this girl are so strong, you've spent a lot of time thinking about her and probably imagining what it would be like to have her as a girlfriend. Because you want this so much, you are feeling a lot of pressure (from within) to "make something happen." You are probably also feeling frustrated that after telling her how you felt, things between you two have not progressed. In fact, you now say that you two have "drifted apart as friends."

You say that you "both" want to become "close friends again"... But clearly she feels as awkward as you do since you've disclosed your feelings.

You have tried to redefine this relationship from a friendship to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. That can be tricky, especially when the girl is clearly not sharing your level of romantic interest. How do I know? Well, when you told her you liked her she "kind of said yes and no to going out at the same time." What message does that send? Enthusiasm? Shared feelings? Or maybe "I really like this guy as a friend and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I really don't feel romantic toward him."

Romantic feelings at this stage in life are usually either there or not there. It isn't really something you CHOOSE to feel. You feel what you do for this girl. She feels something for you but it doesn't sound like she feels the same intensity of emotion that you do.

Is it possible for you to go backwards into a real friendship with her if your romantic feelings aren't reciprocated? Only you know the answer to that one.

Think about it and write back. We'll talk some more.

In friendship,


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