Hey Terra!

Terra's Past Letters


Wish I had one:
"I really like this guy I met in a chat room."

Hey Terra,

I went on this chat room and met this guy. He was really funny and nice and we messed around a lot (like talked raunchy and stuff). I started liking him a lot. I think he liked me back, but the thing is he is in another state.

Now's he's on vacation and away from his computer. I feel so lonely without him and I doubt we will ever meet. I feel really desperate for a boyfriend. I know I'm only 13, but it's driving me absolutely crazy that I don't have one. When he and I talked raunchy it made me so upset that we can never be together in real life. It's making me really moody now that he isn't here and I can't wait until he comes back. What should I do about my feelings? It's making me insane!!!

Crazy in Love


Dear Crazy in Love,

I'm really glad you wrote to me for advice... So, since you asked, here it is:

Meeting guys in chat rooms isn't a great way to find good boyfriend material. Why? Because a person can PRETEND to be anything he or she wants to be in a chat room. And there's no way that you can tell that he is being honest. You think this is a teenage boy you are chatting with... Maybe he is and maybe he isn't. Sometimes adult men go into chat rooms and pretend to be teen boys so they can chat up 13 year old girls like you who are "really desperate for a boyfriend."

I'm sure you don't go up to a complete stranger and start to "talk raunchy" with him. So why are you doing it in a chat room? Maybe it's because you think there's no harm in it since no one can find out who you really are, but chat rooms may not be as safe as you think. People who want to find out your real name and how to get in touch with you probably can even if you don't want them to.

When you talk raunchy in a chat room you are sending the message "wanna have sex with me?" That's probably not what you really want to say, but that's the message your sending out. You're not a hooker so why are you doing this? It could be very dangerous.

If you want a boyfriend then get involved in activities through your community and give yourself time to get to know boys and give them a chance to get to know you as a person in the real world. That's the safe way to meet someone.

This may not have been the advice you were hoping for, but I care about you and I don't want you to get hurt.

One more thing, Why do you think you are "really desperate for a boyfriend"? Do some of your friends have boyfriends and you feel left out? If you had a boyfriend, how do you think your life would be different?

Write back and we'll talk some more.

In friendship,


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