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Terra's Past Letters


Abusive relationships:
"I can't bear another year with him."

Hey Terra,

I have this boyfriend (if you can call him a boyfriend) that seems to always get on my nerves now. The first 6 months were great but it seems like we are fighting all the time. He asks me what's wrong sometimes. I usually don't like to tell him my feelings of why I am mad or sad because he judges whether it is a stupid reason or not so he makes me feel bad. He thinks I don't tell him because I don't want to but when I tell him why he doesn't believe he acts like that.

Plus he is very touchy with girls. In the beginning I told him I didn't like it so he stopped but not for long. He says he does not like the girls he does it to but you know it still bothers me.

We have had a really big fight about 4 weeks ago we all about a misunderstanding. We are still friends but I found a side of him that I don't like. I never realized how insensitive he could be. Seriously I mean I was crying and he didn't care. It seems this relationship is based on being nice -- I have always had to be nice but if he isn't it's ok.

My friend is telling me to break off the relationship, you know, completely but I can't. We've done so many things together and his father and my mother are friends. I'm tired of being sad and crying. I want my life to go back to normal when me and him were not that close but friends who saw each other in class and that's it. But on the other hand I want to have a nice relationship but I don't think he wants to compromise. So I don't know what to do. I just wish I've never met him at all.

It seems mean to me but he is moving to another country. I'm sad but I'm more happy than sad because I really cannot bear another year with him.

Pure Misery


Dear Pure Misery,

Let me see if I can help you sort out your feelings a bit.

You said that your boyfriend:

  1. always gets on your nerves
  2. you don't feel safe telling him your feelings because he "judges" you and "makes you feel bad"
  3. he is not open to criticism - when you tell him what he's doing that's upsetting you he denies that he "acts like that".
  4. he is "touchy" with other girls even though he knows it bothers you
  5. he is "insensitive" and can be "seriously mean"
  6. you aren't sad that he's moving because you "cannot bear another year with him"
Why are you still with this guy?? It's not enough of a reason that his father and your mother are friends if you're not happy in this relationship and it sure sounds like you're unhappy. And the fact that you've "done so much" together is also no reason for staying if it's not working for you. So, I repeat, why are you with this guy?

In friendship,


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