Hey Terra!

Terra's Past Letters

 

Breaking up:
"I've moved on but I can't say goodbye."

Hey Terra,

I have had a boyfriend in college for the last year. Now that I am home, things have seemed to change between us. My feelings for him are strong, however I want to see other people. He is still crazy, obsessed in love with me. He is going to be a senior and I'll only be a sophomore. I want to experience more of my college life. I have tried breaking up with him, but he goes crazy and says he doesn't know what to do with his life because he loves me so much. Then I always feel bad and take him back. This time I want to break up for good, but I don't know how to do it. I need some help!!

Chicken

 

Dear Chicken,

You have the right to go out with whoever you want to. You have the right to end relationships that aren't working for you. It sounds like you have allowed yourself to be manipulated by the guy. If you want to break up with him you say, "I'm ending this relationship. It's not working out for me." You say it and you MEAN it. Will he "go crazy" and say "I don't know what to do with my life if you're not with me"? Possibly. And why not? It's worked to get you to change your mind before. Have you ever spent any time with 2 year olds? Sometimes, they have tantrums when they don't get what they want... A 2 year old whose parents don't give in to tantrums learns "This doesn't work with Mom and Dad" and the child stops doing it. A 2 year whose parents cave in to a tantrum teach the child "Keep it up, kid. This works just fine and I'll give you whatever you want now."

Stop playing into this guy's tantrums.

If you don't think you can deal with his "going crazy" when you break up with him, then do it over the phone. And do yourself a favor... Don't change your mind this time. It's not fair to him and it's not fair to you.

In friendship,

Terra

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