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"He comes home wasted and angry and violent after drinking."

Hey Terra,

I'm having a problem w/ my b/f. I have a child and he isn't the father, but I have been with him since the baby was very little. He likes to go have a drink every now and then which I don't mind but he goes a little too far. He comes home wasted and angry and violent. I really love him and have asked him to stop. He says he will and that lasts for about a week! My son totally thinks my b/f is his father, and well I guess I can't blame him, but I don't want to be with someone who drinks a lot and then gets a temper. I have been with this person for a little over two years. He is so great when he doesn't drink but hey, when isn't he drinking?

I met this guy at my work and is really nice and knows I have a son and has been very supportive of my feelings. I like this guy at my work a lot but don't know what to do!!!!!



Dear Desperate,

While the guy you're with may not be an alcoholic yet, he definitely has a problem and is headed in that direction. He is addicted and he CAN'T stop without help. You say you "don't want to be with someone who drinks a lot and then gets a temper." But you ARE with someone like that, so the question is, if you don't want it, why are you still there? You are putting yourself and your child at risk by living with him. You "really love him" but you clearly don't love the part that comes home "wasted and angry and violent."

This man is not going to change by himself and you are in denial if you believe that's going to happen. This is a potentially dangerous situation. Your responsibility is to your child. You know that, don't you?

I suggest you call AL-ANON at 1.888.425-2666. It's a support organization for friends and relatives of problem drinkers. (That's you!)

I would also suggest that you take a hard look at the pattern you've set up with men. It sounds like the man you are with rescued you from the father of your child. Now you are looking to the guy at work to "rescue" you from the problem drinker. You need to learn how to rescue yourself and be the grown-up for you and your child.

I wish you well.

In friendship,


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