Hey Terra!

Terra's Past Letters

 

Breaking up:
"I really do care about my bf, but I don't want a bf now."

Hey Terra,

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 2 months but I have come to the realization that I don't want to be with him. I'm having real trouble figuring out a way to break things off. I think that it is because I really care for him and his family. They have been so sweet and attentive with me. Also, right now his mom and step-dad are having problems and it would hurt to walk out on him when he and his little sister need me. I would love to end things off as friends but I know that he is going to refuse or just say he will but never actually call me or anything.

I really care for him, as I said, but I really don't want a boyfriend. I am involved in so many things that I think having a boyfriend, will hold me back. Please help me.

Unsure

 

Dear Unsure,

You're a kind-hearted girl and I'm sure you're a wonderful friend. Part of what makes a friendship strong is honesty. If the situation were reversed, you wouldn't want your boyfriend to stay with you if he felt like having a girlfriend would "hold him back." You'd want him to be happy and you'd probably prefer being with someone who wanted to be with you as much as you wanted to be with him, right?

That's why it's a good idea for you to be as honest as possible with your bf. It's not his fault that you don't want this kind of relationship with him right now. Or maybe the truth that you haven't yet admitted to anyone (not even yourself) is that you don't what a romantic relationship with him. Even if that's the case, there's no one to "blame" here. If your feelings have changed, it doesn't sound like it's because he did anything wrong. And you should tell him that. You need to tell yourself that feeling the way you do doesn't make you a bad person.

After the breakup, if you could maintain your support for your bf and his little sister during this difficult time, that would be great. It might be easier to stay in touch with his sister because, as you point out, he might be so upset that he would refuse to have contact with you (at least for a while).

Do what you can to be a real friend but don't try to force yourself to stay in the girlfriend role if that's not what you want.

In friendship,

Terra

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