Hey Terra!

Terra's Past Letters


Wish I had one:
"I want to see what it feels to be loved by a guy."

Hey Terra,

I think it is really great that you are helping kids like me to know what to do. I really like this guy who is 28 (I'm 14). He's on staff at the facility where I go. I've written him a letter telling him how I feel, and he was very nice about it, but said that even though he likes me, we couldn't have a relationship because of the age difference and the fact that he works here. I have tried to stay away from him but that made me very miserable. I couldn't read. I couldn't sleep. I have really tried but I like this guy a lot. I guess I just need someone to love me for who I am and I want to get into a relationship and see how it feels to be loved by a guy. Believe me, I know this is wrong but how am I going to handle this situation?



Dear Lost,

Thank you for your kind words about my work with kids. You're right, I am always trying to help young people do the right thing. In your case, I think you already know what the "right" thing is. You know that it is "wrong" to pursue a relationship with this man. And because you know it's wrong and that you would put his reputation and career in jeopardy by going after him, I believe that you will choose to do the right thing... By getting a grip on your emotions.

I understand what you mean about needing someone to "love you for who you are." But don't you realize that there are different kinds of love? Love and acceptance of who you are can come from someone who you don't have a romantic relationship with. A friend can love you and accept you for who you are. That's very different than needing to "see how if feels to be loved by a guy."

So, try to keep the two kinds of love separate in your mind and that will help you get the acceptance you need from the older man WITHOUT the boyfriend part of it.

Do you understand what I mean?

In friendship,


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