Hey Terra!

Terra's Past Letters


Losing interest:
"My girlfriend doesn't say 'I love you' anymore."

Hey Terra,

I don't know what's wrong. My girlfriend doesn't say "I love you" to me anymore, and if I tell it to her, she only say "Me too." She gets mad when I show up at her house without telling her cuz I wanna surprise her. Then she tells me she can't go out or hang out any where when her parents are not home. One day she said that but I wanted to cheer her up so I showed up, but she wasn't alone. She was hanging out with her two friends, and the whole day she acted like she isn't my girlfriend. She got a job but she didn't tell me where, and then I had to find out from someone else after 2 weeks. I know it's all adding up and doesn't make me feel good, but I still do love her. Then 2 days ago she said she is going to the dance with her girlfriends, I said OK, but when she said it's in an all boys school that got me a little jealous. So I asked if I can come, she said "No way. You come and I'll be very mad."

I'm hoping that she is not trying to do anything and that a little more time and the whole thing would be OK. But I'm really worried about my relationship, and my friends tell me I look like crap cuz of her. I don't know what to do. Spy?

Lost Lover


Dear Lost Lover,

No you definitely should not spy on her! In fact, you need to stop showing up at her house without being invited. You say that "it's all adding up" and I totally agree with you. I'm sorry to be blunt, but it's as clear as it can be that the girl has lost interest in this relationship. I know it's sad and very painful when someone you love rejects you, but that's what's happened. It will do you no good to keep checking up on her and all the rest.

My best advice is for you to tell her what you are feeling... Tell her that it's hurting you to be pushed away like this. And then listen to what she has to say. I sure hope she's honest enough to admit that she isn't feeling close and loving toward you. That's what her behavior is showing and it's important for you to hear the truth, otherwise you're likely to let your emotions keep you trapped in the hope that with "a little more time... The whole thing will be OK."

If, for some reason, she isn't willing to show you the respect you deserve by telling you the truth, please give yourself permission to open your own eyes. You aren't doing yourself any favors by chasing after a girl who clearly doesn't love you the way you deserve to be loved.

The sooner you let go of this relationship, the sooner you can turn the page and open your heart and mind to meeting someone who will care for you as much as you care for her.

I wish you well.

In friendship,


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