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Terra's Past Letters


Abusive relationships:
"I keep telling him that he can't control my life."

Hey Terra,

My ex boyfriend, who I dumped three months ago, says that I can't hook up with anyone. I keep telling him that he can't control my life but he begs to differ. I hate his guts but he keeps saying, "I love you so much! When we get married..." or he even touches my stomach and says, "Someday my child's gonna be in there" and it's been freaking me out! I'm tired of him being obsessed over me when I continuously tell him to find another girl!

When we were in the relationship, he kept comparing me to his ex girlfriends and telling me how much better they were! He also gave me insults instead of compliments, and when we walked down the street together, he'd be checking out the other girls that walk by and tells me how hot they were. I finally decided it was enough and told him that I didn't want to have a relationship while I was in high school, cause I didn't want to hurt his feelings -- he's one of those suicidal people. So he said okay till I found another guy that was the total opposite of him and he just started screaming at me and telling me that I can't see another guy! Then he went on another suicidal rant and we didn't talk for three weeks. When we finally did talk, he told me it was punishment for what I did. During the whole three weeks, I rebounded and I didn't even think about him. So I don't see how it was punishment. We're still friends but he keeps telling me that I can't go out with anyone else.

I don't want to be his friend anymore and I regret ever meeting him or going out with him! He's so stupid!

Had Enough


Dear Had Enough,

Your ex is harassing you and that's got STOP. You need to deliver a very strong and clear message to this boy. You don't have to be angry or mean about the way you say it, but he's way out of line. You know it, and you need to set your boundaries and stick to them. My suggestion is that you have one more conversation with him, and you say to him: "Our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend is over. I feel very certain about that. I feel really uncomfortable when you tell me that you love me. I don't feel that way about you. This is going to stop. If you don't stay away from me, I'm going to talk to the school counselor and my parents about what can be done legally to KEEP you away from me."

Got that? Now go do what you need to do.

I hope this helps.

In friendship,


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