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Terra's Past Letters


"Could she be messing around with me?"

Hey Terra,

A year or so ago I liked this girl and was going to ask her out. I was sure she would say yes, but the day I was going to ask her my ex-best mate did. Me and him don't speak anymore but me and the girl do. Recently I have noticed her spending more time with me and playing with her hair and other types of flirting. I think she wants to sleep with me. My problem is 1) How do I know she likes me more than a friend? 2) Would it be unfair to her b/f if I let her know I'm still interested? and 3) Could she just be messing me around?

Clueless Guy


Dear Clueless Guy,

Good questions! Let me see if I can shed some light in the confused corners of your mind.

  1. How do I know she likes me more than a friend?
    Answer: Her flirting shows that she's interested in taking this to another level. (You didn't need me to tell you that.)
  2. Would it be unfair to her b/f?
    Answer: If she's got a b/f and she's flirting with you, well, in my book that's "cheating". (The way I define it is this: If you wouldn't do it in front of your bf/gf then it's cheating.) That makes me wonder if the girl is just "messing with you." Some girls enjoy flirting as a sport and as an ego boost. It feeds their ego in the same way that guys who hit on lots of girls do it to make them feel powerful and in control. This is a red flag on a couple of levels. A) if she'd flirt with guys behind her current b/f's back, then how do you think she'd treat you if YOU became her b/f? B) is love just a game to this girl?
  3. Could she just be messing me around?
    Answer: Definitely. Or she might really like you. But if she isn't trustworthy in a relationship (in this case she's not being on the up and up with her boyfriend) do you really want to get involved with her at this point? Sounds like trouble if you do.
I hope this helps.

In friendship,


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