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Terra's Past Letters

 

Rejection:
"Should I trust her now?"

Hey Terra,

I went to the school dance with an exchange student at my school. Before the dance she held my hand and she kissed me on the cheek. Now, I realize a kiss on the cheek really doesn't carry much weight but nevertheless I was feeling pretty good at that point. We had a great time at the dance and continued holding hands and so forth after the dance. When I dropped her off at home I kissed her on the lips, and she said no. Maybe I was out of bounds, but she was leading me on. She wrote me a letter recently:

"...I want to go around with you, as a friend, I always think so. But that night I wasn't. You were so cool and kind to me, I knew the day was turnabout. I was enjoying with you so much. My feeling was... I don't know, you made my feeling comfortable. But I didn't want to kiss you... Maybe you don't want to be a friend with me anymore, that's fine, it was all my bad... But I always enjoyed hanging out with you very much."

So here is my dilemma, Terra. She's so incredibly nice about everything, even though she hurt my feelings. I feel like she led me on but I really want to be her friend. I'm having a hard time deciding whether I should distance myself from her or just become friends. On one hand she's incredibly nice, and she seems sincere but on the other hand she led me on and hurt my feelings by holding my hand, kissing me, and cuddling. I don't know whether or not I should trust her.

What do you think I should do??

Puzzled

 

Dear Puzzled,

I think you have the right to find out which way she really feels. Holding hands and cuddling seems to indicate "I like you more than a friend" (which is the way you read it). "No don't kiss me" and the note... Seems to indicate "I just like you as a friend." I suggest you calmly and respectfully ask to speak to her. Tell her that you are confused (which is the truth!) then see if she will tell you which way she wants this relationship to go.

If she says she just wants to be friends, then it's up to you to decide for yourself if you relate to her on that level only without any expectations of going further. It sounds like you could benefit from this friendship, right?

If that's the case, weigh the pros and cons and decide for yourself. But first find out how she really feels so you won't be confused.

I hope this helps.

In friendship,

Terra

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