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Terra's Past Letters


Sex and Sexuality:
"I think my dad is watching porn!"

Hey Terra,

I think my dad is looking at porn and it is really grossing me out. I'm not sure what to do. If I talk to him about it then it would just make me uncomfortable. Any suggestions?

Grossed Out


Dear Grossed Out,

I can totally understand why it "grosses you out" (and personally I don't blame you) but, your dad is an adult and he has a legal right to look at pornography if he chooses. It is your choice NOT to look at it.

What is your goal here? (In other words, what would you like to change in this situation?) If you say, "I'd like for my dad to stop looking at porn." I'd have to say that that goal isn't a good one for you. Why? Because you don't have any control over the outcome. (When we try to control things that we have no control over, then it just stresses us out.) Maybe your goal could be "I don't want to have to see my dad looking at porn." Okay. That's a goal you DO have some control over. If your dad is looking at the stuff while you're around, you can absolutely tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable and could he please wait until he's in private to view the stuff. If he's unwilling to do that, then you still can choose for yourself NOT to look at the porn.

Also, I understand that you might "feel uncomfortable" talking to him about this, but it might be worth pushing through those feelings and starting the conversation anyway. Otherwise you might let this drive a wedge between you and your dad and he wouldn't even know what was going on because you never told him!

I hope that helps.

In friendship,


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