Hey Terra!

Terra's Past Letters


"My friends don't like my other friend."

Hey Terra,

I have this one friend who doesn't like any of my other friends. When I'm with some of my other friends, they are talking about her. I say, "You guys, she's my friend, and you shouldn't be talking about her." So they stop.. For the moment. But, they do it again other times. It still bugs me that I can't make them stop.

Girl in the Middle


Dear Girl in the Middle,

I completely understand your desire for all of your friends to get along with each other. It would be great for you not to feel like you're always "in the middle." Even though that is a worthwhile goal, you just can't achieve it on your own. You don't have that kind of control over what your friends do or think or say or feel. (No one has that power over other People.)

You can't "make them stop." So unless they choose to stop talking about your friend nothing will change.

I spoke with a group of high school girls last night about your email. Don't you feel special? LOL And they thought it might be helpful if you understood WHY your friends feel the way they do about your other friend. Or do you already know where these bad feelings are coming from and how it started? One option you have is to be a peace-maker. Bring the group together with your other friend and see if they are willing to talk about their differences (get everything out on the table) and work together (with your kind help) to make the peace. Even if they decide they don't want to be super close buddies, at least they may agree to stop talking about her in front of you (or behind her back).

I hope this helps.

In friendship,


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