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Terra's Past Letters

 

Jealousy:
"I want him to be able to trust me."

Hey Terra,

I have been with my boyfriend. Well the thing is he is very sweet, honest, intelligent, and all of that. It's just one thing that drives me crazy. He is jealous, and not just a quick spur of jealousy, but a kind of dumb jealousy.

He trips over stupid stuff. Like if I look at another man. That's going to happen for goodness sake! I'm a woman. Well, he knows with all of his heart that he is the only man I am with. But something just keeps telling him it's not just him.

What do I do? I really care about him, and I want him to be able to trust me. How can we work something out?

Just Thinking

 

Dear Just Thinking,

I'm going to assume that you've talked to him about this. You've told him how his behavior makes you feel? Right?

It's interesting because jealous people are obviously insecure (often because of past hurts and abandonments). They are so sure their partner is going to cheat on them or leave, that they are constantly looking for warning signs. Your bf is trying to keep you close to him but instead, because of his continuous lack of trust, he is, in fact, creating distance between you. Not good.

The only way you can work things out is for him to recognize that he's got a problem and, if possible, for you to work on it together, with a counselor. If that's not an option and talking to him doesn't change things, then I'd suggest you decide how important it is for you to be with someone who trusts you and feels secure enough in himself to be able to see the value of the love you are giving him. If that's important to you, and you aren't getting it with your bf, you may have to look elsewhere.

I hope this helps.

In friendship,

Terra

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