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Terra's Past Letters


From just friends to more?:
"I want to be more than a friend with benefits."

Hey Terra,

I'm 14 and I have a HUGE problem. I am in love with my friend. He is so cute. But the problem is he only wants to be friends. On top of that we are friends with benefits. I want to tell him how I feel? Should I?

Loving the Guy


Dear Loving the Guy,

I'm assuming that when you say "friends with benefits" that you've been having some kind of sexual relationship with this guy. If that's the case, my advice is that you stop that part of the relationship. Why? Because you have romantic feelings for him and you want more than "just friends" from him. He's told you that he "only wants to be friends." If you believe that you can trade the sex for what you really want from him (love), here's what's going to happen... More of what's happening right now! He'll get what he wants (sex and no romantic attachment) and you'll get NONE of what you want. The only thing you've got is your fantasy that it's going to turn into something more.

Sure, you can tell him how you feel... But proceed with caution. He may lead you to believe that with more time and more of the relationship's "benefits" he "might" start feeling that way about you too. That will keep you stuck just where you are.

If you want love and he wants friendship... Take the sex out of the relationship or nothing will change and a year from now you'll be sending me the same email.

Good luck. I hope this helps.

In friendship,


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