Hey Terra!

Terra's Past Letters


From just friends to more?:
"How can I take this to the next level without asking her out?"

Hey Terra,

I like this really great girl that I met rather recently. We've been gradually getting to know each other a little better since September but I have the hardest time "reading" her and getting an idea of whether she likes me or not (my pessimistic side tells me she's just being friendly and she doesn't really like me).

For example when we see each other in the halls she looks at her watch or ignores me (though I have to admit, I do the same thing to her because I don't want her to know I like her).

While I would of course greatly prefer a romantic relationship with her, I guess I would be OK with just a strong friendship. Her good looks are like an added bonus to her great personality (though she does have her flaws). How would I go about getting her to take a liking to me, or find out her feelings about me without asking her out (I would not want to prematurely ask her out and ruin the quasi-friendship thing we have, plus I'm kinda shy).

Her being a very confusing girl, I see her hang out with "normal" girls but she talks like she's best buddies with all the popular girls makes it all the more confusing of an issue for me.

Confused and Crushing


Dear Confused and Crushing,

It sounds like you're not feeling secure enough in this friendship to take it to the next level. Understandable! If you're having trouble reading her then it makes sense not to want to risk a rejection.

My suggestion is to take 3 or 4 slow deep breaths (don't forget to EXHALE LOL)

Feeling a little calmer?


Now here's my advice: RELAX. Give yourself permission to DO NOTHING about this situation. That mean quit the planning, the worrying, the fantasizing, and the fearful thoughts of "what if I do this and then she does that?!" You are thinking too much. Everyone does it, but it's not helpful. In fact, it can so stress you out. And for what?!

Sure you like her. But you're thinking about all this stuff isn't making any impact on the relationship. (Except maybe making you less and less comfortable around her and therefore less and less able to "be yourself.")

Your worries about the future are just THOUGHTS. They aren't real. They don't create change in a situation. In fact, they are mostly a distraction from the life you could be enjoying in the Here and Now.

So... A few more slow deep breaths and then... Decide "Do I want to make myself crazy here?" OR "Would it be okay for me to continue getting to know her as a FRIEND (also giving her a chance to continue getting to know you as a friend) and lighten up the pressure to create a romance here. If it's moving in that direction, you'll feel it and you'll do something about at that time.

In friendship,


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