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Terra's Past Letters


"My friend gets all the guys."

Hey Terra,

My best friend is absolutely gorgeous and I love her to bits but she gets all the guys cause she has confidence and I have lost all mines because of recent boyfriends and she really isn't helping me to get it back. I know it's not her fault but I get mad and cry a lot and she goes for all the guys I like and usually gets them and I just feel like an idiot for trying. She tells me I'm stunning and that every guy wants me, but I'm always second choice.

please help

second choice


Dear second choice,

First you say that your friend "really isn't helping me to get (my confidence) back." and then you say "She tells me I'm stunning and that every guy wants me..." So which is it? Is she "not helping" or is she telling you "I'm stunning."

You say that you have "lost" you confidence... That indicates you used to have it. Were you a different person when you were more confident? Where did that person vanish to? Do you really believe that your confidence has anything to do with your friend's beauty? You're absolutely right when you say that it's "not her fault" that she's gorgeous or that guys find her attractive. But there's something amiss in your thinking if you believe for a minute that your self-confidence comes from anything that anyone says to you. Self-confidence comes from inside you. (At least the lasting kind does.)

Here's my suggestion, right now, at the computer, make a list of all of the parts of your personality that you are proud of. For example, "I am a good listener." Or "I like the way I can make people laugh." Whatever is true for you... Put it on the list of things that you like and admire about yourself.

When you're done... Write back and we'll talk some more.

In friendship,


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