Hey Terra!

Terra's Past Letters


Sexual orientation:
"I have feelings for my girlfriend and another guy."

Hey Terra,

I am a 14 yr old guy and even though this might sound stupid, I have feelings for two people at once and wouldn't dare give up one for the other. I have a girlfriend that I have been going out with for 8 months and I really love her and then I started to like this guy (which I didn't tell her that I liked) and I kind of am confused as to whether or not it is ok to feel this way or is it wrong and I am like perverted or something?

What I also would like help with is one other thing. It's like I want to have sex with them both and that I like the company of men and women. I think about guys a lot sexually and women a lot emotionally as well as sexually. I am just so confused. If you could give me any info on what it is that I'm dealing with or what I should do, I would be greatly obliged.

Thanks for your help,

What's with that?


Dear What's with that,

Thanks for writing. I don't think there is anything "wrong" or "perverted" about the feelings you described. It sounds like you are questioning your sexual orientation and that you are thinking that you may be bisexual. It also sounds like you are feeling confused about this and would benefit from talking with an understanding adult. I would strongly suggest that you check out a very cool National organization called PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) and read their Support FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions).

There you will find support for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgendered People -- they offer all kinds of information to youth, including "We understand, and we offer our support and unconditional love. PFLAG support group meetings provide a safe space for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and questioning people to share their feelings ..."

You may choose to talk, instead, to your school counselor or a cool teacher (if that feels safer). In any case, I would urge you to talk with someone about what you are feeling. I understand that this is a confusing time for you and I want you to know that you don't have to deal with this all alone. There are people who care and who are ready to help you. You just have to let them know that you need help.

I wish you well and please write back to me anytime. I care about you.

In friendship,


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