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Terra's Past Letters


Sexual orientation:
"I'm having an affair with a married guy."

Hey Terra,

I have this major problem. I'm having an affair with someone who has been married for 2 months. I'm a freshman in high school and feel really bad for his wife. I'm only a teenage boy in high school. What should I do? How do I tell my parents about my love and sexuality? I'm only 15 and he's 21. Also I have sexual urges to other guys in gym class. I can't control myself. Sometimes I feel like my penis is going to explode.



Dear Lusted,

I feel bad for his wife too. He wasn't honest with her before they married and he's cheating on her now! It makes me wonder how he will be able to treat you with respect when he doesn't honor his commitment to his partner. On top of all that, the fact that you are only 15 and he is an adult, makes him guilty of statutory rape (it doesn't matter if you are consenting to the sex).

Here's my advice, put an end to your relationship with this guy. He is not an honorable person and it is hard to imagine that any good will come of this relationship.

As for your sexuality, that is a whole other issue. You see, your sexuality is a part of who you are. And you can certainly make healthy choices in the relationships you choose regardless of whether you are gay, bi, or straight.

Understandably, it sounds like you are conflicted about how to tell your parents about your sexual orientation. This can be a difficult conversation and without knowing how your news will be accepted, I can imagine the thought of talking with them honestly could also be scary. It sounds like you could use some support. I would suggest that you check out PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). PFLAG is a great organization that helps teens and their parents deal with the issues that come up around "coming out". Be sure to read their Support FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions).

This organization has chapters around the country. I suggest you get in touch with them via email or phone and start getting the support you need so that you can feel free to be who you are.

I hope this helps.

In friendship,


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