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Terra's Past Letters


"My best friend of five years has just decided to end our friendship."

Hey Terra,

My best friend of five years has just decided to end our friendship. She claims that I constantly destroy her self-esteem. She also claims that we don't get along anymore. We have only had one spat in all our five years of friendship, and I have done nothing to hurt her self-esteem. In fact, I always try to support her and tell her how wonderful she is. I am usually there to pick up the pieces after she is hurt. I don't understand why she would accuse me of things I have never done, and I don't understand why she says we don't get along anymore. She never allowed the friendship to push through the disillusionment/spat to actually cultivate a meaningful relationship.

She seems to lean towards friendships that really have no depth. She always has to be the leader of the group. Another thing is, she never has any passion for anything in her life (except her own wants). She cannot see past herself herself. She tends to separate herself from people who tend to actually have passion in their lives. She never listens either. I just do not understand why she would be like this, and why she refuses to listen to anyone. Doesn't a close five-year relationship mean anything to her? She wasn't even willing to try to work at it!



Dear Curious,

From what you describe it sounds like you and your friend expect very different things from a friendship. You seem to be looking for a "meaningful" relationship that goes beyond the surface. You think of yourself as someone who has "passion" about things and you clearly don't admire the fact that she "never has any passion for anything... except "her own wants." You describe your friend as a person who needs to be in control and tends to be self-centered and "never listens to anyone." She doesn't sound like much fun to be around!

If you are interested in a healthy relationship with a friend, one based on mutual respect, trust, honesty, and open-communication, then you might want to look elsewhere, because this "friend" of yours doesn't sound like someone with whom you share any of these things.

Yet, in spite of all these differences you've outlined, you still call this a "close" relationship. That makes me "curious" too! Is this a real friendship or a 5 year habit that you might be interested in breaking?

Think about it and write back.

In friendship,


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