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Terra's Past Letters


Sex and Sexuality:
"I'm scared cause I haven't had sex in two years."

Hey Terra,

I've been seeing this lad for 4 months now and we haven't had sex yet but he keeps asking me to. I really want to, I'm just just scared cause I haven't had sex in 2 years. I'm afraid he won't be able to get his you know what up so he suggested using some kind of lube to make it easier. I love him so much and will try anything for him. I'm just really scared. He understands but 4 months is a long time to him, but I think it's right. We've done everything else just not sex. Can you please help me out?

The 1 and only me


Dear The 1 and only me,

If you feel ready to have sex with this guy after 4 months it's got to be for a better reason than because he "keeps asking." If you totally trust him and love him and believe that having sex with him is going to bring you two closer together, emotionally, then make sure he has the same idea. You want to make as sure as possible that the sex means the same thing to him as it does to you. I hear from too many girls (after the fact) who thought the guy would stick around for a relationship AFTER the sex... but he didn't and then they feel pretty bad about the whole thing.

So, by all means, talk about what each of you thinks will happen in the relationship if you decide to have sex. Also, if you do decide to have sex, discuss your fears with him (you're right, two years is a long time and it's perfectly normal for you to feel stressed about it). Tell him so he can understand your feelings and be compassionate. Water based lubricants are fine to use with condoms. Talk to someone at the pharmacy to recommend one. Also, make sure you have a reliable way of protecting yourself against unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Check out this section of The InSite on Sex.

I hope this helps.

In friendship,


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