Hey Terra!

Terra's Past Letters


Long-distance relationships:
"I saw his photo and I don't want to email him any more!"

Hey Terra,

A lady at work asked was I seeing anyone, I replied NO, so she gave me her nephew's e-mail and we began mailing each other. He's bout 300 miles away, in a different state. We exchanged photos, and I know this is wrong of me but he is NOT a good looking man at all. I want to stop writing him, but I don't know how to do it without being rude. This will never work, because YES looks do mean something to me as well as personality. He does seem to be a nice guy, but not nice looking at all. It's not like I'm a beauty queen but I can't handle that.

Sorry for being selfish. Can you help me?



Dear Sorry,

This is not an easy one to answer. You obviously are not proud of the way you feel after having seen this guy's photo, but that's the way you feel. Now you are wondering if there is a kind way to stop writing to this guy without hurting him too badly.

There are always lots of choices when it comes to the way we resolve situations. You could, for example write to him and tell him the blunt truth, but that's harsh. And since you'd never want anyone to say "I can't continue communicating with you because you are just not good looking enough!" I wouldn't advise you to say that to him.

I won't pretend that looks don't matter. For most people the physical appearance of a potential partner is very important. But the question is HOW IMPORTANT is it really?

Before you dump this guy out of your life, I would suggest that you take some time and get really clear on exactly what you're looking for in a guy. Here's an interesting exercise (with paper and pen) on how to Get Clear on What You Want that might help you figure out what is most important to you in a guy and what you have to offer (that's the part of it people often forget to think about).

I hope this helps and please, keep in touch.

In friendship,


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