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"We have a 16 month old child together."

Hey Terra,

I've been in a relationship for two years now. My boyfriend and I have a 16 month old child together. A couple of months ago all we were doing was arguing. He started cheating on me and it hurt me a lot. We broke up for about three weeks, then we got back together. Before any of it happened, I trusted him 100%, but now I don't know if I can anymore. I'm so afraid of being hurt by him again that I don't know what to do. I try to tell him about it, and he says that I don't have to worry about it anymore.

Don't get me wrong, he's tried everything in his power to show me that he's ready to be committed to me and only me, and that I have nothing to worry about. I just don't put anything pass him anymore. Every time he tells me he's going somewhere, the thought enters my mind that he's cheating. I know I'm supposed to forgive him, but I just can't forget. To top it off, I'm about to go off to college and I don't know if I should stay with him and see what happens or what. My mom says that it's only one big test to see if we were meant to be together or not. Sometimes I just want to go and cheat on him just to get even.

Please help, what should I do?



Dear Unsure,

Your boyfriend doesn't sound like the kind of guy who cares enough about you and his child. Otherwise he would not be cheating on you! What concerns me more than his behavior is the fact that nowhere in your letter do you say anything about your concern for your child and his/her future. Obviously you and her father aren't married, but your thoughts about wanting to "go and cheat on him just to get even," what kind of message does that send to your baby? Are you taking the child with you to college, or does your mom become the baby's mom?

I wish I could help you, but until you realize that you boyfriend is NOT the problem, I really can't give you any advice. Maybe it would help you to seek a support group of other teen moms. I'm sure you could find such a group in your area through your county's Social Services Department. You could probably find an on-line support group too, by going to a search engine and typing in "Teen Moms".

I wish you and your baby the best of luck.

In friendship,


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