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Terra's Past Letters

 

Cheating/Betrayal:
"How can I get him back after I slept with another guy?!"

Hey Terra,

I'm 15 and I had a bf of 17, I know this sounds really bad but I've cheated on him twice. The first time was just a kiss which he forgave me for, but the second time wasn't. I slept with this guy, I never meant for it to happen. I told him, I was drunk. I've sent him letters and cards, I've done everything I can to make it up to him and at first he said he wanted to start afresh, but now he's not even talking to me. I know he is the one for me, I just don't know how to get him back. I think about him when I wake up. All through the day and when I go to sleep. It's driving me mad. Please help me!!

Going Mad

 

Dear Going Mad,

It's clear that you feel really sorry for the choice you made to sleep with the other guy. Alcohol can cloud the mind and make it more difficult to do the right thing. It's also clear that your behavior has really hurt your Boyfriend, and it sounds like he is angry and wanting to protect himself from further hurt by not talking to you any more. He probably doesn't trust you, and as you can imagine, when someone you love and trust cheats on you, not once but twice, the trust you have is damaged.

I can't say if there's a chance that you can "get him back." The decision to give this relationship another chance is one he will make for himself. You certainly have the right to communicate your feelings to him. Even if he isn't willing to talk with you right now you can email him or write him a letter. I would suggest though, before you do any more writing, that you stop and think about WHY you kissed the first guy and WHY you chose to get drunk and sleep with the other guy. When you understand better why you made those choices, knowing that you were betraying the trust of your bf, it will help you understand what was motivating your cheating. After you figure it out, be honest with him and express the truth.

He may forgive you again. He may not. That, as I said, is his choice. (Just wondering, but if the situation were reversed and he had first kissed another girl and then gotten drunk and slept with someone else, how would you feel? Would you want to get back together with him?)

If after you write to him, expressing your feelings, he still doesn't want to be with you, you'll need to learn to accept that this relationship is over for now. And hopefully, you will have learned something valuable that you can take with you into your next relationship (and trust me, there will be others),

I hope this helps.

In friendship,

Terra

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