R E L A T I O N S H I P S:
Boyfriend/Girlfriend

 

When you're not in a relationship you think the toughest thing is finding someone cool to go out with. When you're in a relationship you know that's the easy part. The hard part?

1. Staying happy for more than a week.
   
2. Making time for your old friends.
   
3. Being part of a couple without totally losing your own identity.

Plus a bunch of other stuff like jealousy, time commitments, and dating restrictions. So you've got bf (boyfriend) or gf (girlfriend) trouble? Let's talk.

Conflict Resolution Strategies

(Custom built for teens and their boyfriends/girlfriends from
the Conflict Resolution "ToolKit" )

Though it's normal to disagree from time to time, when you have a major conflict with your bf or gf it can be very difficult. But that doesn't mean it's impossible to straighten things out!

 

Step #1 - Cooling off.

You can't work out a conflict when you are angry, or super charged up. So cool off so and you'll be able to think more clearly.

• Do some serious breathing and centering exercises.
  
  • Close your eyes and concentrate on your breath as it enters and leaves your body. Do this for at least sixty seconds or until you feel calmer and more relaxed. Are you ready to listen now? If you are, go on to Step #2. If not, breathe some more and r-e-l-a-x.

Step #2 - Listen to each other.

• They tell their story first.
  
  • Ask your bf/gf to explain what happened from his/her point of view. Listen to what they say. Don't interrupt, question, judge, or interpret. Just listen.
    
• Now it is your turn.
  
  • Your bf/gf must listen to you! Without interrupting, questioning, judging, etc. They just get to listen.

Step #3. Use "I feel" statements.

• Talk about the feelings underlying the situation.
  
  • If your feelings have been hurt by what happened tell this to your bf/gf. Start with "I feel____" , instead of "You always_____." This takes away the blaming that goes on in most conflicts.

Step #4. What part did each of you play in the conflict?

• Figure out what each of you could have done differently.
  
  • How did each of you contribute to the situation? Think how it must have felt from your bf/gf's point of view. Ask your bf/gf to imagine how it felt from your point of view.

NOTE: You might want to have another person there to "facilitate" (help) the discussion and make sure everyone follows the ground rules. Is there someone you both trust who could help with this?

Big Question of the Day

Think about what you want, and don't settle for less!

If you are threatening, yelling at, or physically hurting your bf/gf, or if you are being hurt by  your bf/gf then this relationship isn't good for you, and you must get out of it. If you need help doing that talk to a counselor at your school or a grown up you trust! Click here to find out more about abusive relationships.