R E L A T I O N S
H I P S:
When you're not in a relationship you think the
toughest thing is finding someone cool to go out with.
When you're in a relationship you know that's the
easy part. The hard part?
- Staying happy for more than a week.
- Making time for your old friends.
- Being part of a couple without totally losing your
Plus a bunch of other stuff like jealousy,
time commitments, and dating restrictions. So you've got
bf (boyfriend) or gf (girlfriend) trouble?
Conflict Resolution Strategies
(Custom built for teens and their
Resolution "ToolKit" )
Though it's normal to disagree from time to time, when
you have a major conflict with your bf or
gf it can be very difficult. But that doesn't mean
it's impossible to straighten things out!
Step #1 - Cooling off.
You can't work out a conflict when you are angry, or
super charged up. So cool off so and you'll be able to
think more clearly.
- Do some serious breathing and centering
- Close your eyes and concentrate on your breath
as it enters and leaves your body. Do this for
at least sixty seconds or until you feel calmer
and more relaxed. Are you ready to listen
now? If you are, go on to Step #2. If not,
breathe some more and r-e-l-a-x.
Step #2 - Listen to each other.
- They tell their story first.
- Ask your bf/gf to explain what happened
from his/her point of view. Listen to what
they say. Don't interrupt, question, judge, or
interpret. Just listen.
- Now it is your turn.
- Your bf/gf must listen to you!
Without interrupting, questioning, judging, etc.
They just get to listen.
Step #3. Use "I feel" statements.
- Talk about the feelings underlying the
- If your feelings have been hurt by what
happened tell this to your bf/gf. Start with
"I feel____" , instead of "You always_____." This
takes away the blaming that goes on in most
Step #4. What part did each of you play in the
- Figure out what each of you could have done
- How did each of you contribute to the
situation? Think how it must have felt from your
bf/gf's point of view. Ask your bf/gf
to imagine how it felt from your point of
NOTE: You might want to have another person
there to "facilitate" (help) the discussion and
make sure everyone follows the ground rules. Is there
someone you both trust who could help with this?
Big Question of the Day
What kind of relationship do you
Think about what you want, and don't
settle for less!
of any kind is not healthy in a
If you are threatening, yelling at, or
physically hurting your bf/gf, or if you are being
hurt by your bf/gf then this
relationship isn't good for you, and you must get out of
it. If you need help doing that talk to a counselor at
your school or a grown up you trust! Click
here to find out more about abusive
Got a question? Write to Hey,
R E L A T I O N S H I P S
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November 19, 2005
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