R E L A T I O N S H I P S:
Your friends are cool, right? They dress like you. Dig the same music. In fact, you guys agree on everything. No conflict here 'cause your friends totally understand and support you. 'Course sometimes they say stuff behind your back. Or do stuff that you really don't feel comfortable with. Then what are you supposed to do? "Be your own person," right? And like have no friends? Gee, that sound great! So what makes a good friend, anyway? And how do you know if that's what you've got?
Experiencing a conflict or even a disappointment with a friend can be awful. Sometimes a one time situation can be overlooked, but eventually it will catch up with you and need to be handled to continue the friendship. It usually works to set up a time to talk about the "problem" and make sure you use the Conflict Resolution "ToolKit".
What Do You Do?
After you've discussed the problem from both of your points of view move on...
Step #1 - Set up the ground rules with your friend.
Step #2 - What did we both do to make this happen ?
NOTE: Make sure that you do not leave any "unfinished business."
- Figure out what you did to contribute to the problem.
- Encourage your friend to figure out his/her role in the conflict.
- What will you do differently next time?
- Is there anything you need to say or do to make amends (fix things) with anyone?
It will come back and haunt you!
Friendship is Worth it! Sometimes people end friendships or let them fade away rather than deal with a conflict directly and non-violently. Hopefully you and your friend will learn from each other and show other people new ways of confronting differences and successfully resolving conflicts. The planet could use more of that!
Sometimes making and keeping friends has more to do with group identity than being an individual. It's tough when the group is making rules that you don't feel comfortable with. What do you do? Go along with the group and keep your friends, or keep your standards and lose your friends? Are there any other options?
Got a question? Write to Hey, Terra!
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last updated November 19, 2005
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