E M O T I O N S: Anger Positively Fourth Street You've got a lot of nerve to say you are my friend.     When I was down, you just stood there grinnin'. You've got a lot of nerve to say you have a helpin' hand to lend.     You just want to be on the side that's winnin'. I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes     And for just one moment I could be you. I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes.     You'd know what a drag it is to see you.  --Bob Dylan I'm Pissed Off. Sometimes I am so furious I feel like screaming and kicking in a door. Or smashing someone in the face. I am mad at everyone and the littlest thing can get me going into a rage. Sometimes these bad moods last for hours. It seems like people are being annoying on purpose, and I just want to stay away from everyone. At least that way I won't say or do something I'll be sorry for later. Nobody understands me. How can they? They're all so dense and stupid! Anger Isn't Bad. There's lots of stuff in this world to be angry about, and everyone feels it at times. Sometimes our anger is sparked by unfair treatment of ourselves or our friends. Sometimes we're set off by injustice in society. Or our desire to protect the environment. When that happens anger can be channeled into action, and we can work to change things for the better. That's a good way to use anger. To motivate you to do something positive. When our anger is directed toward a person, a parent, a teacher, a sibling, a friend, whoever, then we need to find ways to express ourselves with words instead of violence. Otherwise we can fall into patterns of behavior that are hurtful to other people or to ourselves. Patterns that get harder to break the longer we use them. People Have Conflicts. People who live and work and hang out together are going to have conflicts from time to time. Why? Because we each have our own set of ideas of what's right and good, and they don't always match other people's ideas. People need to learn how to resolve conflicts with words so that we're not beating each other up all the time. Using words works. Using violence to solve conflicts never works as a permanent solution. Take a break. Before you and your "enemy" can resolve the conflict you're in, you first have to get control of yourself. Here's how you do it: Take a few slow deep breaths. (Go ahead. The air is free and it's good for you.) Count to 25. Slowly. (This isn't a race. It's a chance for you to calm down and get some perspective on what happened.) Now take a look at the situation. Conflicts don't happen by themselves. It takes at least two people to have a really good conflict. Let's look at your contribution. What did you do that added to the conflict? What did you forget to do that added to the conflict? What do you wish you had said or done instead of what you actually did? What could you do differently next time? Now take a look at the situation from the other person's point of view. Imagine what he or she is feeling about what happened between you. What would you have said if you were him/her? What would you have done if you were him/her? Write down exactly what you would like to say to this person. (You don't have to show it to them, so don't hold back!) When you're finished, read what you wrote out loud. Feel better after getting some of that anger out? Is there anything left? Write some more if you need to. Okay. Chances are you feel better after having thought about this stuff on your own. And hopefully you learned something about dealing with your anger that will make things easier the next time it comes up. Now here's one final question for you: Do you actually want to talk about any of this with the person you were angry with? You don't have to. But you might want to. Think about it. Find out if you're in an abusive relationship! If you need more specific help, write to Hey Terra!   F I R E S W I T H I N

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