Entry #14: It all works out.  


It's been ten days since I asked Chaz out and he turned me down. It's been a tough ten days. I've been really upset. Why? Because I really really like Chaz and I couldn't believe that after all I went through with my parents to fight for the right to go out with him, then to have him say that he only wanted to be friends! Well, it was just about all I could take! Now my parents don't trust me. They grounded me and they probably think I'm some kind of slut or something. JoAnn accuses me of being in love with Chaz. I don't know if I'm in love or not. I don't even know what that means. And Chaz is hardly talking to me. All right, well, I'm not exactly talking to him either. This is a total and complete mess!

Chaz looked so cute during English today. He was wearing this blue shirt that makes his eyes look like a summer sky. I know it sounds incredibly corny but it's true. He looked like he wanted to talk to me after class but I just couldn't take it so I ran off to the library. And he followed me. he came in and said he wanted to talk to me.

I did not want to get into any kind of discussion with him. I thought I might cry in front of everyone so we went outside.

He told me how he really feels. Which is that he likes me a lot. More than a friend. More than he's ever liked any other girl. This whole thing was him telling me what he thought I wanted to hear because I said something that I thought would keep me safe from my feelings.

It felt so good to hear him tell me this. Then he asked me how I felt and I just told him the truth. That I really like him as more than a friend and that I really would like to go out with him. Then he took my hand and he kissed me!! It was so wonderful. You know, I'm sure there are a whole bunch of other things I'm going to have to work out with my parents about the fact that Chaz is not Chinese, but your know what? For now, I'm just not going to worry about it. I think I'm in love!




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